Word Count: 38,286
Summary: After winter break sixth year James finds Sirius and Remus in bed together. He is disgusted and horrified to discover the true nature of their relationship, which they had been keeping secret for years. As the first rumblings of war begin to infringe on the edge of the Marauders' awareness, Sirius struggles to reconcile the two most important men in his life: his brother and his boyfriend. Sometimes choosing between them is easy, sometimes more difficult, but what will happen when real danger threatens, and Sirius' choice means the difference between life and death? Written for rsbigbang 2011
Warnings: flangst, homophobia, violence, peril
A/N: DAMN IT. Only one dang chappie this Part. Fucking hell.
“Peter, ask Potter if he has any sixes.”
“James, Sirius wants to know if you have any sixes.”
“Peter, tell Black to go fish. And that this muggle game is stupider than Helga Hufflepuff's pet badger.”
“James says go fish.”
“Peter, ask Black if he's got any of the little men with the 'K'.”
“James, Sirius wants to know if you have any kings.”
“Peter, pass my king over to Potter and tell him it'd be better suited up his arse, rooting out the stick that is obviously firmly ensconced up there.”
“Here's his king. Got any twos, James?”
“Go fish. And, while you're doing that, tell Black that his hair is looking particularly fairy today.”
“James says you've got nice hair.”
“Peter, tell Potter that he's suspiciously expert on all things poofter. Ask him if he's harboring any secret crushes – fancying a style and a manicure?”
“James, Sirius says to lay off.”
“Peter, tell Black-”
“You know what?!” Peter jumped up from his chair in the Hospital Wing, tossing his cards down on the table. Face turning bright red beneath his blonde mop of hair, he threw up his arms in frustration. “I'm done! Two fucking months!” he shouted, shoving two upheld fingers into both Sirius and James' faces. The two still-seated boys could only watch, stunned. “Two months I've played moderator to you blokes' shit! And I'm fucking done!”
In a huff, Peter gathered up his books and tossed aside the privacy curtain pulled around Remus' bed. He threw a dismissive hand over his shoulder as he stormed away. “You blokes can either sit there in silence, or figure out how to actually talk to each other, because I'm over it.”
With that, Peter swung open the heavy doors to the wing, and was gone.
Sirius gaped at the door for a full minute before turning back to James. Then he was quickly looking away, scowling, because James was steadfastly glaring at the tiled floors in an attempt to avoid eye contact with Sirius. After several long minutes of total silence and passive-aggressive glaring at flooring, Sirius found his gaze drifting up to Remus, who lay asleep in his hospital bed. With nothing better to do, Sirius stood up and went over to Remus' bedside, tugging the blankets up to his chin and smoothing them back down, before pushing back sweaty light brown hair from his forehead and letting his palm rest there, checking for any signs of fever.
James snorted, the sound of it loud in the nearly empty Hospital Wing. When Sirius glared at him, James actually had the good character to look a little shamefaced and glance at a still-sleeping Remus in apology.
Sliding back into his seat, Sirius scuffed his trainers on the ground, swinging his legs back and forth. He chanced a glance back up at James, who had his arms crossed resolutely over his chest, still steadfastly glaring at the flooring.
“I used to do stuff like this before, you know,” Sirius grumbled. He waved his hand at Remus and the bed. “Taking care of him. Fussing over him. You and Peter never cared.”
There was a long stretch of silence, to the point that Sirius thought James might just keep ignoring him, same as he had for the past two months. But then he shifted: just slightly, but enough for Sirius to know he was actually listening. So Sirius tried a little bit more.
“Most things you get upset about are things Remus and I always used to do in front of you two. The massages and teasing, hugs and me taking care of him. It's just... you never cared when you thought we were just mates. And now that you know we aren't, that we're more, now all those things seem like a big deal to you. But they're not. Just like me jumping on you after a Quidditch game didn't mean anything more, but now I can't come within a meter of you without you calling me a poofter, and saying I'm trying to grab your arse. But I'm no different, James. And neither is Remus. We're the same blokes we always were. You just know a bit more about what we do when the curtains close at night, s'all.”
Sirius started, practically falling over in his seat when James spoke. He waited for a moment, expecting James to say more. When he didn't, Sirius prompted: “You knew? Who? Knew what?”
James' glare was still fixed firmly on the ground, his arms crossed over his chest and entire body closed off from anything around him. And yet, he shifted slightly, a single foot turning toward Sirius. “Wormtail and me,” he grunted. “Knew something was up. After the Prank.”
Sirius shifted guiltily, eyes immediately seeking out Remus' sleeping form. He looked so relaxed and peaceful lying there, relatively uninjured, small smile tugging at his lips in sleep. It was so unlike how he looked the morning after the Prank. Sirius' memory was still foggy concerning the days and nights surrounding his reckless actions – due to guilt, or tears, or sheer horror, he wasn't sure exactly why – but the one thing he could remember vividly was every deep wound marring Remus' body, and then the hurt and horror that had deformed his face when Sirius had tearfully confessed to what he had done.
“What-” Sirius' voice cracked, and he had to swallow and blink away tears before he could continue. “What d'you mean?”
“We overheard you blokes talking. Before break.”
Sirius nodded slowly, thinking back. There had been a lot of attempted conversations between the two of them: Sirius initiating but then feeling guilty, and slinking away; Remus trying to be angry, but just falling silent as he realized he couldn't be. “Which time?”
James moved: stretching his legs out in front of him, chin resolutely resting on his chest. “Remus said you hated Snivellus more than you loved him. Wormtail thought it meant something, but I said it was just, you know... whatever. Brotherly love, or some shite.”
Sirius nodded, remembering the conversation. That one had been one of the bad ones: one of the times when Sirius had stuck around long enough to try and explain, and apologize; one of the times when Remus had forced himself to stay angry at Sirius, rather than falling back into his arms.
Sirius' fingers were fiddling with each other as he avoided Remus' eyes. They were sitting cross-legged on Remus' bed, knees not quite touching, eyes sliding over each other as they tried to have this conversation for the millionth time. He was trying to explain. Again. “You know how much I hate Snivellus, and-”
“Yeah, Sirius: you're right.” Remus' voice was bitter and angry. It scared Sirius. He didn't like to hear Remus bitter. In spite of everything that had happened to him – in spite of all the terrible reasons Remus had to be cynical and bitter and angry at the world – Remus still always managed to possess a sense of quiet optimism. And somehow, Sirius had managed to destroy that. With every harsh word that fell from Remus' mouth, every hurt look and angry sigh, something akin to a cruciatus jolted Sirius' heart. “You're right. I do know how much you hate Severus: more than you love me.”
“No, no, Remus, Moony, never, never. Please...” Sirius' voice was broken as he shifted closer to Remus on the bed, but Remus just turned his head away, staring at his curtains resolutely. Tears glistened on Sirius' cheeks, but he didn't wipe them away, trying to prove to Remus how much he cared, how broken he was.
“Go away, Sirius. Not now. I don't want to see you anymore today. I'm too tired.”
With only a moment's hesitation, Sirius slithered off the bed and to his own, curling up under the covers without bothering to get undressed. He never wanted this to happen. He never wanted to hurt Remus. He just hadn't thought...
“You guys heard that?”
James shrugged, entire demeanor surly. “Eh.”
Sirius hesitated before leaning toward James slightly, forearms on his knees. “You blokes heard all that, and... you didn't think... I mean, Prongs. Come on.” Sirius was feeling rather unimpressed with his two best mates at the moment. Tactfully, he refrained from calling James one of the densest blokes he had ever met, and opted instead to wait out the silence.
“Yeah, well. Never occurred to me to think that my best mate took it up the arse.”
Sirius stayed quiet. James was talking to him. That was the important thing. The little digs and insults he could let slide. For now.
After allowing James a moment of silence to himself, Sirius volunteered a piece of information. “We didn't get back on 'til over Christmas holiday. We pretended like we were okay before that, I know,” he continued upon seeing James' brow furrow, “and I guess we were okay. As just mates. But he didn't take me back as more'n that,” Sirius thought it wise to avoid the word “boyfriend” just yet, until James seemed like he could handle it better, “until midway through the break. Couple days after Christmas.”
“How's that?” James uncrossed and recrossed his legs stretched out in front of him, toeing his trainers against each other lazily. “You were at mine over the break.”
“Letters.” Sirius picked at his cuticles. “We wrote a lot over the break. Twice a day, sometimes.”
“Fucking sick,” James grunted, body language becoming more closed off. “Were you fucking wanking in my guest bed? There's just a single wall between us, Black! Way to take advantage of my folks' hospitality!”
“Not like you don't wank, Potter! Probably more'n me, considering you don't have someone to get off with!” Abruptly Sirius stopped himself, reigning his temper back in. They were talking again. Remus would tell him to stay calm, to be the bigger person, to not rise to James' baiting. Taking a deep breath, Sirius continued. “And it wasn't like that,” he said, much more calmly. “The letters. They were...” he wanted to say “love letters”, but he was afraid that might disgust James even more. “They were right sappy, if you want to know the truth,” he finally grumbled, hoping a bit of self-deprecation might go a long way with James.
It did. James snorted loudly, smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, well, no surprise with you writing them. You always were an over-sentimental muppet.”
Sirius nodded, smiling slightly. He was. At least, when it came to Remus. But who wouldn't be? Risking a look over, Sirius caught James glancing at him with something close to a grin gracing his face. But then it was gone as soon as they made eye contact, James' gaze back on his trainers and mouth set firmly in a frown.
“How'd you get Moony to take you back? After that.”
Sirius shrugged, looking at Remus. The sheets rose and fell steadily with his inhalations and exhalations. Sirius allowed the smooth, metronomic movements to calm his thoughts. “I stopped trying to explain and started apologizing. A lot. Over and over again.” Up, down. Breathe in, breathe out. That was what Sirius could always rely on Remus for: his calming influence, even when he was fast asleep. “And then I stopped trying to win him back as my... more'n mates, and tried to pretend like it'd be okay if we just stayed like that.”
Sirius hesitated, then fell silent. It'd probably be best not to mention to James that it was Remus who broke first, dragging Sirius into his bed that first night back from break and pinning Sirius' arms above his head. “Never again,” Remus had ordered, staring down at Sirius with an almost feral intensity. Sirius had practically broken his neck, shaking his head so hard, before Remus had fallen to him, shagging Sirius to within a centimeter of sanity.
Best if James didn't know that part.
After another quiet moment, James spoke again, still not lifting his chin from his chest or uncrossing his arms. His ponderous tone brought Sirius out of his happy reverie. “Never understood why Moony was angry with you for so long. Seemed weird. I mean, you were a right bastard, but Wormtail and I forgave you a month before Moony could even look at you again. Always thought it was just because you did it to Moony, not us. But I guess...” James paused, finally shooting a glance in Sirius' direction, who was waiting as patiently as he could. “How could you do that to him, anyway? I mean, if you two were fucking?”
Sirius growled, making sure not to look directly at James. They'd start fighting again if he did. “Yeah well, wasn't exactly thinking clearly, Potter.” Sirius shifted, unconsciously mimicking James' surly slouch. “Worst decision of my fucking life,” he grumbled.
“No shit,” was James' unhelpful commentary.
“Yeah. Well.” They fell silent for a moment, both boys looking at Remus as he continued to sleep with the aid of Madam Pomfrey's sleeping draught. “Real question is: why in all of Arthur's Albion did Remus take me back?”
“Yeah, well: that's Remus for you.”
Sirius tensed, yanking his legs up so both feet were planted firmly on the floor. “What's that supposed to mean?” Lowering his voice with a quick glance to Remus' shifting form, Sirius continued. “Remus isn't some doormat, you know. He didn't just roll over because I whispered some sweet nothings-”
“Fucking hell, Sirius, I know!” James' startled exasperation was so ridiculously normal that for a second the two boys forgot they were even fighting: James rubbed a hand over his head and looked baffled at Sirius, while Sirius in turn held his hands up in friendly acknowledgement of James' response. Then the past few months caught up with them, and the two slouched in their chairs, turning away from each other again. After a moment James continued. “Just was saying that Remus has always been the best one out of all of us.”
“Had to be,” Sirius smiled at Remus' fluttering eyelashes. “To put up with me and all.”
“My nose is itching.” Remus' sleepy voice interrupted the two boys, causing Sirius to spring into action, reaching for the glass of water on Remus' nightstand. Patiently Remus drank half the glass, before pushing it aside with a chiding, yet loving look to Sirius for his mother-hen routine.
Nudging Sirius aside, Remus eased himself a little more upright in the hospital bed and smile weakly at James. “Thanks, James. For saying that.”
“I've got an essay to write,” James grumbled. He stood abruptly, eyes darting around for his things before gangly limbs followed, scooping up his books. Sirius watched, leaning on the edge of Remus' bed. James might not acknowledge the gratitude from Remus, but it was a sight better than insulting him for it. They were definitely making progress, and the soft smile on Remus' face as he watched James fumble around said that he knew it, too.
Once James had managed to fling his lanky body out the Hospital Wing doors, Sirius turned to find Remus barely-restraining a grin. “What?” he questioned, even as he crawled up onto the bed to settle carefully next to Remus.
Remus' grin stopped being restrained and rapidly took over his entire face as he gingerly wrapped an arm around Sirius' shoulders. “You two are talking again.”
Sirius kissed Remus' neck, nuzzling his nose against the spot afterward. “Little bit. Kind of.”
“Anything bad about me?” Remus teased.
Sirius snorted. “Yeah right. You heard. All good things about you. Anything bad was about me.”
Normally Sirius might poke Remus in the ribs for such cheek, or tackle him, or – given a more private situation – tweak his nipples or tug playfully at his balls. But given Remus' current world of sore muscles and exhaustion-riddled body, Sirius opted instead to pepper his neck with kisses. Not quite the retaliatory response such a remark warranted, but it would do for now.
“Did I miss anything important?”
Sirius kept his face buried in Remus' neck. It was safer there; he wouldn't have to look at Remus' expression, there. “We talked about what happened last autumn.”
As gently and calmly as he could, Sirius rubbed soothing lines up and down Remus' arm with his hand not currently pressing into the mattress, while simultaneously nuzzling at the hollow of his throat. “Yeah.” Sirius waited until he felt some of the tension slowly work its way out of Remus' body. “James thinks I'm a bigger arse than he already did, but you came out smelling of roses, no worries. And somehow the two together – I think – made things better between us’n James. Not loads, but...”
Remus shifted, then Sirius felt a kiss being pressed to the top of his head. “Progress, then.”
Sirius nodded. “Progress.”
“That's good.” Remus yawned. “Up for a late-morning snuggle?”
With a grin Sirius shifted away from Remus to clamber under the sheets, helping the other boy to settle back down into a prone position. “More early afternoon,” Sirius corrected. “But sounds good. C'mere.” Within a minute, both boys were asleep in each other's arms.
Sirius was snickering not-so-subtly at James as he struggled with his trunk. James was currently bouncing up and down on the lid, trying to force all his clothes and candy and the like into much too small a space.
Peter was sitting rather smugly atop his own trunk on the other side of the room, twirling his wand between his fingers. Sure, the wand-twirling was a bit fumbled, but the point was that Peter had managed to close his trunk. James hadn't.
“Just use a shrinking charm,” Peter prompted, after a good five minutes of watching James struggle.
“No!” James bounced harder. “It... can... fit!”
It wasn't going to fit. Every boy in the room besides James could see that. Finally Sirius brought his wand out to end it, casting a well-aimed shrinking charm on the contents of the trunk visible beneath the lid. The lid snapped shut abruptly, eliciting a squeak from James, still clinging to the top.
He glared at Sirius, though the expression didn't contain the heat it had over the past few months. “Oi, thanks a lot,” he grumbled. “I had that. It would have shut. It was giving way.”
Sirius just shook his head and shared a look with Peter: all raised eyebrows and smug grins. A dirty Quidditch sock flew across the room and smacked him in the face in gratitude.
“Where's your shit anyways?” James waved over at Sirius' bed. “You better get packing: we gotta get downstairs in half an hour. Unless you're not bringing anything home for Easter hols?”
The room went silent. Sirius chanced what he thought was a surreptitious glance at Remus, who had gone very, very still hunched over his coursework. The glance didn't get past James. “What?!” Sirius winced. “You're staying here with him? Why?!”
Remus still hadn't looked up from his coursework, so Sirius looked away, opting to stare at the ceiling – specifically his curtain canopy – instead. James was still... touchy. Saying he and Remus had been planning on staying at Hogwarts for Easter holiday so they could shag each other's brains out might be a bit much. And though Sirius would never phrase it in such a way out loud, there was unfortunately no full during the break: otherwise he could have just used that as his excuse for staying with Remus.
He finally settled on a half-truth. “We had it planned this way for a couple months, Prongs. I didn't know if I'd be welcome at your house or not, so-”
“Yeah, well I'm telling you you're welcome. So let's go. Pack your shit.”
Sirius took a breath. It might be selfish, but he really, really wanted to spend the short holiday with Remus. They hadn't had a proper shag since... blimey, beginning of January. And hardly any post-coital cuddling, which Sirius would never admit to missing under pain of cruciatus but he missed it loads.
And he had it all set in his mind: they'd shag the second the other boys were safely on the Hogwarts Express, tearing each other's clothes off and going for the end product rather than the build-up. Then they'd sleep in the same bed the whole night. The next morning, with all the important stuff out of the way, Sirius would wake Remus up with a blow job. Maybe a rim job, depending what position Remus was in. Then they'd have slow, lazy morning sex. The next night, if they could manage it, they'd even try for some in front of the fireplace sex in the common room – with wards and warnings up and all, in case any other sleepless students wandered down in the middle of the night.
It was going to be brilliant.
When his eyes drifted back to James, Sirius' stomach dropped to his knees. He had that freaked-out, grossed-out expression on his face again. “You're going to fuck, aren't you? You two have been planning this for months now, haven't you? You're... you're going to...”
“James,” Remus' soft voice cut through the tension in the room as he lay down his quill. “Please.”
“No! No, fucking...” James' glasses started to slip down his face, so he wrangled them back up his nose. “You're probably going to fuck on every available surface, aren't you?” Sirius would be lying to say the thought hadn't crossed his mind. “You're going to fuck in my bed!” Okay, that had never occurred to Sirius. Gross.
“Potter, you fucking idiot,” Sirius ignored Remus pushing his hands to the ground in a silent attempt to tell Sirius to tone it down. “Why the fuck would I want to screw my boyfriend in my brother's bed? That's like wanting to shag Remus in my parent's bed! Or in Kreacher's little nest, or something!” A collective shudder went through the Marauders. “See? Fucking gross.”
“Wanting another bloke to shove his cock up your arse is 'fucking gross'!” James shouted.
Sirius was on his feet and halfway across the room before Remus and Peter jumped up to try and moderate the building argument. “Wanting to stick your tongue in a bird's pussy is fucking gross, you yeast-eating piece of shit!”
As James and Sirius came closer and closer to blows, Remus and Peter the only physical barriers preventing an actual fight, a thunderous stampede of students' feet started up on the stairwell. It was time to leave – for those who were.
Peter inserted himself between Sirius and James, pushing James back toward his trunk. “Let's go, James. Come on. Get your trunk.”
James snatched at his trunk, arm looking like it wrenched painfully in its socket as he yanked it toward the door. With an apologetic look Peter was off after him, lugging his significantly lighter rucksack with him.
Sirius couldn't resist one last jab. “Say 'hi' to the folks for me, Potter! Tell them Moony and I are thinking of them!”
“Fuck off, poofter!” James shouted over his shoulder, before practically throwing his trunk down the stairs and rushing off after it. The door slammed behind them, and Remus and Sirius were left alone in their dorm room.
Sirius turned to Remus, who was biting his lower lip and staring worriedly after the other two boys. Sirius stepped in quickly to soothe his worries the absolute surest way he knew how: with a sloppy snog pressed all over Remus' nibbling mouth. With a laugh Remus pulled away, expression decidedly less wretched.
“Padfoot,” he warned.
Sirius grinned, ignoring his own worry nibbling at his stomach. “Forget James,” he breathed, pressing his lips to Remus' again. Remus kissed back this time, smile spreading his lips and ruining the technique of the kiss. “He'll come back on side, once he's got a few days to cool off. We've already gotten him past the hard stuff.”
Remus nodded distractedly as he slowly melted beneath Sirius, who was well aware of the change he was affecting in his boyfriend. With a laugh that was certainly not a giggle, Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and scooped him up, throwing him over one shoulder.
“Pads!” Sirius laughed, ignoring Remus' fists half-heartedly beating at his back. “Pads! Put me down!”
“Sure thing,” Sirius teased, just before he tossed Remus onto his bed. Remus laughed as he bounced on the springy mattress, cut short almost immediately as Sirius fell down on top of him, snogging him senseless.
Robes were clawed at and tossed to the side as the boys tried to hasten the process of getting to feel skin on skin. Remus gasped beneath Sirius as he dipped his head, licking and then sucking at the first nipple exposed to the cool air of their dormitory. “Mm, Sirius,” he murmured. His fingers threaded between Sirius' locks, prompting him to glance up and see Remus' eyes closed, face relaxed in easy bliss. Sirius felt any leftover uneasiness about James quickly melt away before the warm glow of happiness that was spreading through his body.
Not to mention arousal. Sirius shifted and pressed his still-clothed erection against Remus' semi-clothed leg. He hummed around Remus' nipple, biting down gently before moving onto the other. Yeah, arousal was definitely helping him forget all about James.
“Shit, forgot my- fucking hell, you guys!”
Lazily Sirius lifted his head, ignoring Remus' arms practically socking him in the chest to get him off. Peter was standing in the door, one hand clasped firmly over his eyes as the other flailed around in front of him. “Wormtail, what the hell-” Sirius growled.
“Just forgot my bollocksing toothbrush! I didn't think you two'd be going at it already!”
Acquiescing to Remus' rather insistent flailing, Sirius crawled under the sheets with him and pulled them up to their chins. “Alright, Wormtail,” Sirius groused. “We're decent. Just get your bloody toothbrush and get out.”
Peter scrambled to the bathroom, still avoiding looking in the direction of Remus' bed the entire time. Sirius occupied himself by estimating exactly how hard his cock currently was, and how many more minutes he could stand just lying there and doing nothing about it.
Finally Peter scrambled out of the dorm, slamming the door shut behind him with a quick, flailing wave of his hand. “Finally,” Sirius groaned, rolling over to Remus.
Who had, apparently, used the interruption to get fully naked.
Sirius' eyes widened, mouth following quickly in a grin. Without further preamble, Sirius winked roguishly at Remus before scrambling under the covers. Remus laughed and squirmed beneath him as Sirius slithered his way down Remus' naked body, hands smoothing over the scarred flesh, lips peppering every inch they could reach with adoring little kisses.
When he reached his goal, Sirius took a long minute to breathe in Remus' musky scent, rub his cheek against his erection, nuzzle his nose in his pubes. Then he took Remus into his mouth, bobbing up and down and sucking hard as Remus arched and hissed and writhed above him.
Sirius pulled away soon, pushing off covers and the last remnants of his own clothes as he sat back on his haunches. Remus was peering down at him, eyes glazed and mouth open as he panted. Sirius waggled his eyebrows before leaning down and drawing Remus into a long, languorous kiss.
When he pulled back they were both panting; Remus' lips were kiss-swollen and glistening with saliva, prompting Sirius to lean down and kiss them again, trying his damnedest to devour his boyfriend's mouth with lips and tongue, and a bit of teeth. Their hips undulated against each other, arousals sliding together as drops of precome and Sirius' saliva started to ease the movement of heated skin against heated skin.
“Alright, fucking hell.” Sirius pulled back from Remus, shaking his head as he squeezed Remus' shoulders tight beneath his hands. “I need you. Shit. Can-”
Remus nodded frantically, brown hair fanned out on the pillow beneath him like a halo. Sirius reached beneath him, searching for their sorely neglected lube that they normally kept under there. After a moment of fumbling his fingers closed around the little bottle and he yanked it free, struggling with the cap as Remus reached a hand up and stroked his arm.
“Wanna do it this way?” Sirius asked, gazing down at Remus. He looked so gorgeous like that: debauched, happy, like some sort of hedonistic, Roman god of youth and beauty. “'Cause I want to. So I can see you.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Sirius realized how corny it sounded, so he blushed and looked away. But then Remus' hand was moving up to his cheek, stroking gently until Sirius risked a glance back down.
And Remus was beaming up at him. Of course. “Yeah, Sirius,” he whispered. “I'd love that.”
Sirius leaned down, brushing his lips over Remus' nose. A little cold pit of nervousness formed in his stomach as his emotions bubbled to the surface, shoved down and ignored for too long these last few months. “I love you, you know,” he murmured. “I mean, I don't say it much, but you know. Right? That I do?”
Pulling back just far enough to peer cautiously into Remus' eyes, Sirius was relived to see his same loving emotions reflected back at him. “Of course I know, Sirius,” Remus whispered, hand stroking at Sirius' cheek. “Of course. And I love you, too.” He paused, eyes flickering sadly as he sighed. “Even when you don't think. I might hate you in those moments,” he conceded, and Sirius felt his heart clench. But then Remus was smiling ruefully. “But I still – for whatever mad reason – still love you.”
Sirius snogged Remus again for the declaration, bodies moving together as the two boys rediscovered that rhythm which had been so familiar to them at the beginning of the school year. Before everything had gone to hell.
Arousal growing ever-more insistent against his stomach, Sirius finally gave in to it and pulled away, tugging at Remus' ankles. Remus assisted him, lifting his legs up and positioning them on Sirius' shoulders, heels hanging down his back and knees crooked. Sirius grinned, hauling Remus' arse into position with his hands, giving it an extra squeeze or two for good measure. Remus was somehow still less hairy on his thighs and arse than Sirius, a fact Sirius found endlessly amusing whenever his fingers sliding over Remus' peach fuzz covered arse reminded him.
As Sirius slid a first finger into Remus, he watched Remus squirm and frown at the intrusion. “Take your time, yeah?” Remus prompted. “It's been a while, plus it's always tighter this way...”
Rubbing Remus' thigh with his free hand, Sirius shushed him. “I know, Moony. I'll make it good.”
Sirius squirmed and laughed as Remus' big toe made its way into his ear. “You'd better,” Remus warned, even as he sucked in a breath of air when Sirius slid a second lubricated finger in. “If this is no good for me, don't expect any reciproc- ah!”
Sirius grinned as Remus clenched around him, body arching upward. “What were you saying?” he teased as he continued to rub his fingers against Remus' prostate. “Something about...” he moved his fingers in steady anticlockwise circles against it. “Not being any good for you?”
Remus' thighs were quivering around Sirius' head, fingers clenching and unclenching at his bedsheets as he writhed under the ministrations of Sirius' careful fingers. “Fucking... okay, okay... Sirius, please.”
Acquiescing to Remus' breathy, half-formed demand, Sirius pulled his fingers out and re-lubricated them generously before sliding three smoothly in. He watched Remus' face for any sign of discomfort, pushing his fingers in as far as he could and stretching them wide, wriggling them around Remus' wet inner walls. Beneath him, Remus was humming approvingly, eyes shut and neck tight as he adjusted to the now-rare intrusion.
“Still feeling good?” His tone was teasing, but Sirius' question was a serious one as he slid his fingers out and spread the lube over his erection, making sure to coat it even more than he thought necessary. Better to be over-slicked and have to wipe some off than hurt Remus on that first breech.
Remus nodded, opening his eyes as he watched Sirius prepare himself. “Yeah. Ready.”
Reaching forward, Sirius took Remus' hand in his right, gripping his arse with his left. “Okay. Relax. Breathe.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but did as Sirius told him. Too many failed starts and embarrassing – and painful – mistakes over the years had led them to value caution and preparation over bodice-ripping sex like in those trashy novels Mrs. Potter liked to read.
As Sirius pushed into Remus, his eyes snapped shut, abused fingernails digging into Remus' arse. Their joined hands tightened around each other as Sirius continued his slide home, burying himself inside Remus until their bodies were flush. Sirius sighed, waiting a moment as Remus adjusted, stroking his thumb along the back of Remus' hand. It was a touch more lube than he'd like. But hell, it was already the longest sexual encounter they'd managed for three months, and Remus' comfort mattered a sight more than Sirius getting a bit more friction with each thrust. After all, Sirius wasn't about to complain about getting to fuck his boyfriend.
Sirius felt a tug on his right hand, so he opened his eyes. Remus brought their clasped hands up to his lips, kissing the back of Sirius' with a shy smile. “Good.”
With a relieved sigh Sirius pulled out, sliding back into Remus with a wet slap. Both boys wrinkled their noses at the noise. “Hey, that was me making sure you wouldn't get hurt!” Sirius defended himself.
Remus pecked kisses to Sirius' captive fingers, then tugged their hands to rest beneath his chin. “I know. Keep going. Hopefully we'll get so horny we'll stop hearing it.”
Sirius started to move his hips slowly in and out, hauling Remus' arse closer as he tried to go deeper. “Dunno about you, but I think I'm already there,” he groaned, letting his head fall back. A groan from Remus answered him as their hips began to move more steadily. Sirius grunted again as he picked up pace. Fuck, yes, this was good. His entire awareness was quickly narrowing down to that single point of motion between them, to the tight slide of his cock in and out of Remus' body.
Sirius adjusted his position further, hauling Remus up onto his thighs as he continued to thrust. Remus' free hand flew up, over his head, as his mouth fell open and a shout burst out. “Ah! Sirius, there.” Sirius nodded, blinking sweat from his eyes. He barely noticed Remus' free hand moving from his mouth to scramble at the headboard, fingernails scratching at the wood. He was too focused on his own mounting arousal to be aware of such minor details. So long as Remus felt good, Sirius was satisfied, and he could continue to focus on drawing out the maximum amount of pleasure he could.
And the pleasure it was. Fuck. Sirius gasped, eyes squeezing shut as he continued to thrust into Remus. Every slide into that tight, wet heat made Sirius' nerves sing, body coming to life in ecstasy. His mind was gone, reduced to single-word reactions of yes and good and moremoremore. His speech was even more far gone, nothing more than animalistic grunts and groans and the occasional mumbled “Rem, Rem, Rem, fuck Rem-” as he continued to thrust, pounding harder and faster.
One part of him wanted to make the pleasure last, to draw it out so he could feel like this for minutes, hours, days. Another part of him just wanted more of it, better and faster and... Sirius groaned, thighs quivering with impending orgasm. Fuck patience. It was just too good: he needed more.
Beneath him, Remus was coming undone, tugging their joined hands up to his mouth so he could bite at them, as disjointed cries fell from his lips with Sirius' every powerful thrust. Saliva was dripping down their hands, Remus' teeth gnawing and slipping and grating at their knuckles as he tried to hold on, just a few seconds longer. His cock was bobbing between them with every thrust: a thick, moist shaft, precome flicking off of it as soon as it formed.
Sirius felt Remus start to come even before a last, desperate cry tore its way out of Remus' throat. His insides went taut, clenching around Sirius in impossibly exquisite perfection, drawing him to heights of arousal he hadn't thought possible without an actual orgasm. Remus' right hand tore at the headboard, his left squeezing Sirius' right to his cheek so hard Sirius thought Remus might have a bruise there come morning. Remus' body rose up off the bed, shoulders pressing back as his hips snapped up, cock twitching and spurting come all over his chest and stomach.
Sirius continued to thrust raggedly into that impossibly tight passage, fucking Remus through his orgasm and into Sirius' own. Just a few more desperate, stuttering thrusts and Sirius' was coming, body folding over itself and Remus' as he emptied himself inside. His mind went blank as his orgasm crested and crested, mouth falling open and incomprehensible noises pouring out to match his release.
When it finally ended, Sirius could do nothing more than collapse forward, like a tree felled in the forest. His skin smacked against Remus', sweaty flesh sliding over sweaty flesh as their bodies molded to each other's. Slowly he uncurled his fingers from Remus' hip, where he could feel the skin sticking just for a moment to his fingernails as he removed them. He let Remus keep his right hand hostage up by his cheek. Sirius lay. He breathed. He couldn't find it in him to do anything more.
A weak moan brought Sirius out of his post-coital reverie long enough for him to slide off Remus and slip to the side, nestled half-on, half-off Remus' chest. “Bollocks,” came a whispered curse in Sirius' ear.
That got his more cognizant attention. Rolling his weight onto his shoulder, Sirius peered over at Remus's face, centimeters from his own. “Huh?”
Remus grimaced, shaking his head. “Nothing. Go to sleep.”
Well now there was no way Sirius was going to sleep after a suspicious comment like that. He levered himself upright, glancing down between them. Remus had come – even if Sirius hadn't remembered it happening, there was rapidly-drying evidence all over the two of them. He glanced down further, tugging gently at Remus' thighs. No bleeding, thank Merlin. He would have absolutely died if he had hurt Remus that badly.
“Just sore,” Remus reassured him with a hand to his arm. “Lie back down, come on.” Sirius did, albeit reluctantly. “Just don't think I'll be up for that again for the next couple of days.”
Sirius nodded even as he snuggled his head into the crook of Remus' neck. “Was planning on that,” he yawned. “Just have to figure,” he yawned again, “some other stuff to do.”
Sirius could feel Remus' grin in his hair. “Go to sleep, Padfoot.”
“Any-fing for you, Moony,” Sirius teased, before falling asleep.