The Internet is Full of *Lies*

[amuly]

Title: The Internet is Full of Lies
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Word Count: 3,210
Rating: Hard R
Summary: Blaine decides it's time they try this whole “blow job” thing out. The two boys discover that the internet is not to be trusted, and that even the simplest actions can be a lot harder than they look when performed by trained professionals.
Warnings: bad!sex. Lots of it.
A/N: Eeeeehehe. The internet made me do it! :D Enjoy the boys being terribly awkward and bad at blowjobs. Hopefully this makes up for no Glee tonight ;__;


 

 

“Okay.” Blaine stared down at Kurt, who stared back up at him. They were in Kurt's bedroom – house miraculously empty, for once – and lying on his bed. Blaine had his back against Kurt's headboard, cushioned by about half a mountain's worth of pillows. Kurt was sitting on his heels on top of Blaine's legs, peering up at him from beneath long lashes.

“Are you sure we should try this? I mean, I liked what we've been doing.” Kurt blushed and looked away from Blaine, staring at his closet resolutely. “With our... hands. And the movement. That.” Kurt managed to make a few half-hearted lewd gestures with his hands, though they ended up looking more like he was demonstrating how to knead dough than how to jerk off.

Blaine pouted down at Kurt, using his puppy-dog eyes to their full effect. “You know I'd never make you do anything you didn't want,” he said gently, reaching down a hand to stroke Kurt's cheek. “But I heard it feels really good – better than sex, even. And I'll do it to you, too.”

Kurt sighed, dropping his eyes down to Blaine's knees and running his hand over his uniform pants. “I know. But what if I'm bad at it?”

Blaine smiled crookedly. “Well, you probably will be.” When Kurt's head snapped up, eyes flashing, Blaine laughed and continued. “But I probably will be, too. That's what practice is for. And,” Blaine tugged Kurt up, until the other boy was sitting on his hips, faces level, “that's why it's so good that we've got each other. We can figure it all out and make all our mistakes together: no pressure.”

They kissed, tongues sliding wetly over each other and lips sucking. Blaine pulled away first, a touch breathless. “And if you pick up on blow jobs as quickly as you did kissing...”

Kurt slapping at Blaine's arm did nothing to distract him from the grin that was spreading across Kurt's face. “Okay,” he grumbled. “Since you asked so nicely.”

Blaine took a breath as Kurt slithered his way down his body, deft fingers unbuckling his belt and tugging at his pants. Blaine shifted, lifting his hips up to help Kurt out, even as the blood began to rush from his head. Kurt's lips just looked so moist, and red, and... Blaine pressed his head back against the pillows and shut his eyes. Okay. He needed to calm down.

His hips twitched at the first touch of cool air to his erection, which sprang forth and pressed against his stomach as Kurt tugged down his underwear. Cracking an eye open and craning his neck, Blaine glanced down to see Kurt gnawing on his lower lip and just staring.

“You've seen it before,” Blaine murmured in what he hoped was a reassuring tone of voice, rather than a oh-please-suck-it-right-now tone. Kurt nodded. Then, to Blaine's surprise, he dove straight done and tried to wrap his lips around it.

Blaine jerked about a foot, sending Kurt the other direction and crying out. “Ow!” Kurt pressed a hand to his cheek. “Your hipbone hit my face!”

Blaine gasped. “Well you just... jumped it!” When Kurt looked kind of like he was deciding between crying in humiliation or storming off in a huff, Blaine hurried on. “Just... wrap your hand around it first. Hold it in place.”

With a petty little glare, Kurt did as instructed, wrapping his hand around the base of Blaine's erection. Blaine took a breath, then nodded. “Okay. Now... go ahead.”

At the first graze of teeth over the sensitive skin of his penis, Blaine hissed and tried not to injure Kurt as he tapped him urgently on the shoulder. “No no no...”

Kurt pulled back, eyes wide. “Sorry! What?”

Blaine took another breath. It was okay, that's why they were doing this. They needed to work out all the kinks. “Teeth. I saw in the... videos...” Blaine winced as he saw Kurt's thunderous expression. Blaine brushed it aside mentally. One of them had to do research for this kind of thing, and if Kurt wasn't, then the task was left up to Blaine. “You have to cover your teeth with your lips. Like this,” Blaine demonstrated, wrapping his lips over his teeth.

At his waist, Kurt imitated him, waiting for Blaine's approval before bending his head back down and slipping his lips over Blaine's erection. He slid his head down as far as he could, then pulled back, then repeated the motion a few times. Blaine waited through a few bobs of Kurt's head, watching with interest. It was hot, but...

He tapped Kurt's shoulder again. Kurt pulled back, face flushed with frustration. “What am I doing wrong now?”

“Are you sucking?”

Kurt blinked, then his face turned even redder as he looked away from Blaine, free hand playing with his comforter. “I... I was getting to that.”

Kurt bent his head and went back to work, this time sucking hard as he maneuvered Blaine's cock into his mouth. Blaine hissed, fingers clutching at the sheets as his eyes squeezed shut on their own accord. That was much better. Kurt repeated the motion, pulling back, then sucking Blaine down. He did it a third, fourth, and fifth time, until Blaine was twitching and panting and groaning his approval.

With a loud slurp Kurt pulled off, exposing Blaine's wet arousal to the cool air of the bedroom. Blaine's eyes flew open as he looked down. “Why'd you stop? That was really good!”

Kurt was wiping drool from his mouth in disgust. “I'm slobbering all over you!”

Blaine's eyes dilated as he took in how disheveled Kurt looked already: hair coming out of place, lips swollen and still covered in saliva, despite his best efforts to wipe it away. Reaching a hand down, Blaine swiped a reassuring thumb across Kurt's lower lip. “You look really sexy like that.”

Kurt looked incredulous, still wiping a hand across his mouth. “With drool all over my face?”

“Oh yeah.” Kurt's shy smile warmed Blaine's heart, even though other areas of him were going neglected. To Blaine's surprise, Kurt shifted back and sat up, tugging at his shirt. “What are you doing?”

Laying his shirt off to the side and end of the bed, Kurt turned back to Blaine with an eye roll. “I'm not about to get drool and... your... stuff... all over my Gucci shirt.”

Blaine allowed himself to lay back against the pillows as his eyes drifted appreciatively over Kurt's naked torso. If Kurt felt the need to take off his clothes, far be it from Blaine to stop him.

Kurt lowered his head again, and Blaine took a breath. Kurt was definitely getting much better at this. The suction was firm with every bob down, his tongue was sliding over the underside of Blaine's cock in a way he would have to keep in mind later when he tried this on Kurt. He looked absolutely gorgeous, sliding up and down Blaine, bright red lips wrapped tightly around him. Blaine groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. It felt fucking fantastic.

Without realizing he was doing it, Blaine must have thrust his hips up a few times, because the next thing he knew Kurt was pulling back, gasping and coughing. “Blaine! Hold still!”

“Sorry!” Blaine reached a hand out to rub the side of Kurt's neck. “I didn't mean to! You just felt great, and I guess I just... wanted more...”

Kurt's glare was almost enough to shrivel balls, and as it was Blaine shrunk away from it. “You'll be getting nothing if you do something like that again.”

“Sorry! Just... maybe you could keep your hand on my hip? Then you can keep me in place better?”

Kurt groaned, rubbing at his jaw. “This is a lot of work. Can't we just... you know... rub... like we normally do?”

“Trust me,” Blaine hurried to reassure Kurt, “this feels indescribably amazing, and I promise to return the favor immediately.”

Absently Kurt stroked at Blaine's erection, frowning down at how wet his hand was getting. “Do you think you're close to... finishing... anytime soon?”

Blaine nodded, head feeling like it was on a spring, he bobbed it up and down so fast. “If you keep doing it the way you were, I'll be coming in minutes.”

Kurt's nose wrinkled at the lewd language, but he nodded. “Okay. No more thrusting, and I'm holding you in place with my other hand.” He rolled his eyes as Blaine lay back, big grin on his face. “And cover my teeth, suck hard, and ignore the copious amounts of drool pouring out of my mouth.” He lowered his head inched away from Blaine's arousal, still grumbling as he stroked him slowly. “I swear, I don't know how anyone goes into porn. I'd rather wait tables than do all this work. It's got to be less to remember.”

Blaine was about three seconds away from – politely – suggesting that Kurt stop complaining and get on with it, when he lowered his head back down and took Blaine into his mouth. Immediately Blaine twitched up, but Kurt's hand on his hip stopped him from choking his boyfriend a second time.

“Kurt.” Blaine groaned, feet sliding against Kurt's silk comforter as an intolerable pressure built up in his groin. Kurt was getting really, really good at this. Sucking and licking and oh, what was that he just did? Lapping at the head of Blaine's penis? Blaine cried out, eyes squeezed shut as he tried to hold on. Kurt's lips were sinking back over him again, sucking and sucking and sucking him in...

Blaine came with a gasp, pulsing his release into Kurt's mouth. His eyes flew open at the same time Kurt's head shot up, eyes wide and horrified as he raced straight to his bathroom. Through his orgasmic haze, Blaine could hear Kurt repeatedly spitting into the sink, the water running, and then his electric toothbrush powering on. Through it all, Blaine floated on the bed, one hand rubbing lightly at his stomach.

Wow. That was great.

“Blaine Anderson, you complete and utter bastard!”

Blaine blinked slowly, taking in how incredibly hot Kurt looked all furious with his shirt off. “You couldn't have warned me? I thought you said I could just pull off before you... did it! Do you have any idea what that tastes like?!”

Blaine smiled lazily. “Yeah. I've licked your come off my fingers before. It's not so-”

“Agh!” Kurt slapped both hands over his face, tips of his ears turning bright red. “I can't believe-”

“Hey,” Blaine sat up, crawling over the edge of the bed and reaching for Kurt as he bounced around in the bedroom in a fit of embarrassment. “I didn't realize I was going to. I was going to warn you, but then it just... snuck up on me.” Finally managing to get his hand around Kurt's wrist, Blaine dragged him to the bed. Kurt squirmed, hands still covering his face as he tried to get away. But Blaine was persistent, crawling on top of Kurt until he had him pinned, then slowly prying each individual finger away until he could see Kurt's bright-red face. “It just means you were really good,” Blaine said, all lazy, post-coital smiles.

Kurt's eyes narrowed. “You're just saying that.”

Blaine shook his head sincerely as he gazed down at Kurt. “No. You really were.” He lowered his head, pressing his nose up against the back of Kurt's ear. It was a cheap move, the spot being one of Kurt's weak points, but worth it to feel Kurt's body melt beneath him. “It was so hot, Kurt. I couldn't even think at the end, with what you were doing.”

When he pulled back, Blaine was pleased to see Kurt smiling shyly up at him. “Just try and warn me, next time?”

Blaine nodded sincerely. “Of course. Now,” he glanced down at Kurt's pants, “your turn.”

Kurt's chest rose and fell rapidly as Blaine practically manhandled him into position up against the nest of pillows he had just occupied. With a grin Blaine tore at Kurt's belt and zipper, eager to return the favor and show Kurt just how good it could be. He took time to stroke Kurt to full hardness, smiling up at him as he did so. Kurt smiled back, though his eyes were quickly glazing, throat swallowing convulsively as he tried to stay calm.

Blaine took a breath. Okay. Lips covering teeth, one hand on the base of Kurt's erection, one on his hip, remembering to suck, and... Blaine lowered his head, sucking Kurt into his mouth. He pulled back, slid down, back, down again. He glanced up at Kurt, whose eyes were wide, teeth gnawing almost ravenously at his lower lip. This wasn't so hard. Just like sucking on a pen: down, back, down, back...

Pulling off entirely, Blaine took a deep breath. Okay, so maybe it wasn't so easy. He rubbed at his jaw, glancing at a blissed-out Kurt. “Did your jaw start to hurt?”

Kurt blinked, looking absently down at him. “Hm? Oh, yeah. Just,” Kurt seemed like he was about to tell Blaine to just keep going, when he changed his mind. “Sorry. Do you need to stop?”

Blaine shook his head even as he worked at his jaw. “No. Just gimme a second.”

Taking Kurt's cock back in hand, Blaine had an idea. Sticking his tongue out, Blaine bent his head and tried slapping Kurt's erection against it repeatedly. Above him, Kurt coughed. Blaine stopped and glanced up.

“Wh- what are you doing?”

“I've seen it... online. Before. I thought maybe it'd feel good?”

Kurt's expression was sheer bafflement. “No. No, that doesn't... what? Who does that?”

Blaine frowned. “It was in a lot of the videos! I thought it was a... I don't know. Something really great.”

Kurt shook his head. “No. Definitely not. I can try it on you next time, but it's not for me. At all. Just,” Kurt nodded down at himself. “The normal way is fine. Please.”

Taking a breath, Blaine returned to the simple bobbing and sucking motion. But his jaw started to ache, and although Kurt was crying out and whimpering in that lovely little high-pitched way of his, Blaine wanted to do more. So he pulled back, took a breath, and tried to take all of Kurt down his throat.

He immediately pulled back, gagging and cough. “Sorry!” Kurt's voice was high-pitched above him, panting breaths interrupting him every couple of words. “I didn't... I didn't think... did I...”

“No,” Blaine managed to rasp out. “Sorry. My fault.” He coughed again, rubbing at his throat. “I tried to deepthroat you.”

Kurt blinked, once, twice, then frowned. “What does the Watergate scandal...” he paused as Blaine gestured: curling his fingers into a tube, then tracing the invisible penis's trajectory down his throat. Kurt's eyes widened. “Why would you try and do that?! Isn't this your first...”

Blaine nodded, voice feeling a bit stronger. “Yeah. I just... it looked pretty easy online...” When Kurt's eyes narrowed and he seemed ready to reprimand him again, Blaine took his arousal in hand and raised his eyebrows. “Listen, I'm sorry, okay? Let me try one more time. Nothing fancy.”

Kurt nodded skeptically, easing himself back onto the pillows. “Normal is good,” he muttered. “I wasn't exactly complaining when you were doing it normally.”

Blaine grinned, pressing a kiss to Kurt's hipbone. “I know,” he reassured. “I just wanted to make sure you got the best blow job I could give you.”

Kurt's eyes melted a little bit at the words, and he reached a hand down to caress Blaine's cheek. He leaned into it, smiling up at Kurt. “Oh sweetie: you can be so ridiculous at times.”

Blaine winked as he lowered his head again, sucking Kurt into his mouth. Kurt's hand dropped from his cheek to his shoulder as he groaned, squeezing tight. With a little bit of repetitive bobbing, Blaine found he had brought Kurt to the edge, the other boy breathing fast above him, cut-off whimpers escaping his throat with every time Blaine descended down onto him.

Kurt's hand started tapping urgently at Blaine's shoulder, but he ignored it. If Kurt had to swallow – or at least taste – Blaine's come, than the least Blaine could do was return the favor. He kept going, sucking as hard as he could around Kurt's cock, and remembering to drag his tongue along the underside like he had liked. Kurt came with a cry, hips trembling and sweaty beneath Blaine's hand as he emptied himself into Blaine's mouth.

Resolutely, Blaine swallowed down Kurt's come, even though it did taste a bit weird and bitter, no matter how many times he had licked it off Kurt's fingers. He wiped at his mouth as he pulled off, surprised at the amount of drool and come that had managed to dribble out onto his chin.

Kurt was moaning weakly, hand rubbing at Blaine's shoulder in blissful lassitude. Crawling up to him, Blaine pressed a kiss to his cheek before settling down next to him. Slowly Kurt's eyes refocused as he stared at Blaine, and his smile grew even more.

“Yeah,” Kurt mumbled, “you were right. That was fabulous.”

Blaine nudged a teasing shoulder against Kurt's. “Just think what we'll be like with a little practice.”

Kurt hummed happily, eyes drifting closed as he snuggled into Blaine. “What's next on the list?” he mumbled.

Blaine considered, rolling onto his back as he pulled Kurt to his chest. The other boy went happily, curling an arm over Blaine as he nuzzled his face into Blaine's neck. “We need to try fingering, eventually. So we can figure out the prostate, and loosen us up, and see if one of us likes it more so we can figure out which one of us is going to be on top. If we ever get around to it.”

Kurt patted his shoulder reassuringly. “Eventually. Not anytime soon: not if I'm on bottom.”

Tilting his head down, Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt's hair. “Nothing until you're ready,” he reassured Kurt again. “And of course, there's rimming...” Blaine added, hopeful.

Against his neck, Kurt made a discontented sound. “I will gladly let your penis into my anus before I put my tongue anywhere near said orifice.”

Blaine wriggled beneath Kurt, smiling up at the ceiling. “I heard it felt great, though. Better than blow jobs, according to some.”

“No.”

Blaine smiled as he felt Kurt's breathing start to even out.

He had said no definitively to blow jobs too, at first.