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Foot Massage Conversations X: End
LENT IS OVER!! FUCK YEAH!!! Oh man, I am reading ALL YOUR PORN RIGHT NOW!! Eeee!!!
Title: Foot Massage Conversations X: End
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Word Count: 976
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack misses Ianto. Post-COE
Warnings: Angst-ahoy. Sorry.
A/N: So this is it, the last FMC fic. I hope I managed this alright, I really do. This is the only fic I’ve written that I started crying in the middle of writing it, but I dunno if it like, comes through. So *nervous face*.
Previous Chapters: I, Interlude, II, III, IV, V, Interlude II, VI, VII, VIII, IX
Jack stumbled into his hotel room, groaning. What was this, the third time today he’d been killed? Not his best day. Not by a long shot.
Kicking off his boots and shucking off his coat as he went, Jack eventually made it to the bed. He collapsed onto it, ignoring his blood staining the sheets. They could bill him for the cleanup. For a few minutes he laid there, eyes closed, waiting as his body mended itself. This planet was a terrible idea; he should never have come. But he had been running, and he hadn’t been paying much attention where he ended up. So now he was stuck in a miserable little hotel room on the ass-end of the galaxy, wavering before his decision to galaxy-hop or not.
Back when he was a Time Agent, he thought nothing of galaxy-hopping. Same as interstellar travel, he figured. But now…he sighed and sat up on his small bed, hands curling around the edge. Now it was like it was too far. He left the planet, and the solar system, and even the quadrant of space, but the galaxy…if he didn’t leave, he would still be in his galaxy. He’d still be connected, however so minutely. But if he left, that was it. He could still say he was in his same universe, but that didn’t really count.
Jack stared down at his feet and smirked when he saw his socks were still on. Lazily he peeled them off, wiggling his toes once they were free. He used to…Jack’s expression fell as he stared at his own feet. Couldn’t even look at himself without thinking of him. Succumbing to his own desires, Jack lay back on the bed and put his feet up. He closed his eyes. He could almost…if he tried hard enough…
“Ianto.” Jack breathed his name like a prayer. His mind was back on Earth, back more than a year ago, thinking of all those times that Ianto had taken care of him, had massaged him and listened to him and accepted all of Jack’s guilt and worry and stress like it was his to bear. “Had a rough day.” Jack shifted slightly, adjusting it so his feet didn’t hit the wall. Had to leave room for… “Got killed three times. First time someone shot me, laser gun. I think it was a case of mistaken identity. Second time a prostitute robbed me, not sure how she killed me. It wasn’t the lip balm that John has, because I wouldn’t kiss her. Maybe something similar applied to other areas.” Jack grinned with his eyes closed. He could almost see Ianto’s weirded-out expression, hear those Welsh vowels…
“That’s enough of that, Jack, I don’t need to know about the intricacies of alien anatomy.”
“Oh, but you do care about the intricacies of alien anatomy.”
“Really?”
“Well, I should hope you pay careful attention to my anatomy. Otherwise I need to try harder.”
“Of course, how could I forget that shagging you makes me a xenophile?”
Jack laughed, then stopped. He breathed in a shaky breath. It hurt. Remembering Ianto hurt, but it hurt so much more to forget him. He promised him he wouldn’t.
“Third time I died today, it was because of you.” He hurried to reassure Ianto. “I mean, not that it was your fault. Just…well, there was this guy. He looked like you. So I went over to him, tried to pick him up. Turns out, he has a very tough boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Couldn’t really tell, it was a Franthen, and they’re notoriously androgynous looking. Well, boy/girlfriend wasn’t too happy with me, and I guess I wasn’t too happy with me either.” Jack winced slightly. “I might have goaded him on. Just a little bit.”
“Mm.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But I felt…you know. Guilty, trying to pick up guys that reminded me of you. So when the boy/girlfriend showed up, I was basically trying to get him to kill me. Sorry.”
“Sorry about the boy, or sorry about trying to get killed?”
“I…both? I don’t know. Which one should I be sorry for?”
“Be sorry for the latter. If I make you apologize for the former we’d be stuck here all night, and you would never be able to leave your hotel room again.”
Jack grinned, but it dimmed half-way through the motion. “I miss you.”
“I know.”
“I miss you so much, Ianto. It’s not fair.”
“I know.”
“I wish you could see all of this. You only ever saw the shit that came our way, through the Rift. There’s so much wonder and beauty in the universe that you never got to see. I should have taken you.”
“You did.” Jack choked back a sob. Tears were falling from between his closed lids. “All those nights we lay awake, and you told me about all those things you had seen. You showed me all those places.”
“It was never enough.”
“Shh. Even if you had never said one word about the rest of the universe, it was still enough. I had you. You loved me. And that’s worth a thousand wondrous sights.”
“I should have said it back. But then, it’d be it, it’d be goodbye, and I didn’t want it to be goodbye, it was too soon, and you were so young, and I didn’t want to let go…”
“You told me. Maybe not the way I said it, but you told me.”
“I love you.”
“Shh.”
“I’ll always love you.” Jack’s eyes were squeezed shut as tears tracked freely down his face. “I’ll never forget you.”
“Thanks, Jack. Now, get up and take a shower. You’ve ruined that shirt, you know.”
Breathing deep, Jack scrubbed at his face, wiping the tears away. After hesitating a moment longer, he opened his eyes. No Ianto. Just an empty space.
Post Series A/N:
Well, that’s it! I’m sorry guys, I know, I ended on the most depressing note ever. But!! I’ve just started writing my official fix-it fic/series as a sequel to this, so yay!! I'll be posting a chapter of it every Friday, "fix-it Friday", as it were. So there's something to look forward to. After all, it’s Easter! A day for resurrections!
Click here for the first chapter of fix-it fic, Life is All.
PDF Download of the entire Foot Massage Conversations can be found here.
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now 'xcuse me while I find a box of tissues...allergies - must be. :-}
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Oh. This made me cry. Considering the wonderful adventure you've taken us on. I think I may start crying again.
(darn you COE. DARN YOU!!! *banishes from thought*)
BUT, even though it is sad, and although it was about COE, it was a wonderful read. Especially because it is about Jack who lives (and dies), runs, grieves and remembers. In a way, still all very human, and I admire it for that reason. (Besides the lovely writting.XD)
But...Ooooo.. I like a fix-it. XD(That news made me cheer up, a lot.) I'm glad for you that you can now read porn. :-) I don't think I would be ever able to take it out of my life (no willpower to). :-)
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And even thought that was COE compliant, I liked it. In a really depressing way.
I, too, am off to work on my fix it.
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Beautiful does not say enough
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That's beautiful and heartbreaking. As was this whole chapter. I am glad that you are going to fix it, though I'll miss the FMC.
Great idea to end it though.
Thank you!!!! And Happy Easter!
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Gorgeous.
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This one, *sobs* Oh Ianto. I miss you.
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btw, u gave up reading porn for lent? you're a better person than me!
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Thank you :)
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fix-it
Re: fix-it
*passes tissues*
It's "Life is All", first chapter can be found here:
http://amuly.livejournal.com/29248.html
Warning: Alonso is in it. A LOT.
But, Ianto DOES come back, and then there is lots of Janto smexing. So if you can tolerate Alonso and PLOT for the first two parts, you can get Ianto back for the entire third part :P
Re: fix-it