- fandom: harry potter,
- fanfiction,
- kink: angst,
- kink: biting,
- kink: blow job,
- kink: cigarette pr0n,
- kink: cuddling,
- kink: dirty talk,
- kink: exhibitionism,
- kink: first time,
- kink: flirting,
- kink: fluff,
- kink: front to back,
- kink: front to front,
- kink: get a room (no beds),
- kink: hair,
- kink: humor,
- kink: hurt/comfort,
- kink: licking,
- kink: penetration,
- kink: playing games,
- kink: props,
- kink: rimming,
- kink: roughness,
- pairing: sirius/remus,
- rating: nc-17,
- series: pray the gay away,
- wordcount: less than 5k
Pray the Gay Away: Epilogue
Title: Pray the Gay Away: Epilogue
Pairing: Sirius/Remus, background James/Lily, Harry/Ginny
Word Count: 3,549
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Remus' parents send him to a Christian camp designed to help him control his “Same Sex Attraction”. Once there, Remus finds himself rooming with the devilishly handsome bad-boy, Sirius Black. Will he give in to temptation? Could the attraction he feels for Sirius be more than physical? Non-Magical 1970s AU
Chapter Summary: Epilogue. Epilogue-y things.
Warnings: rimming, character death (not any of the MWPP), mentions of violence and gay bashing.
A/N: I love this epilogue so much. I am ridiculous. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this whole little crazy mini-series as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Previous Chapters:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
1975:
August:
As Sirius entered him for the first time – arsehole dripping with lube and saliva, thoroughly stretched and relaxed to the point that Remus thought he might die if Sirius didn't just get on with it – Remus finally put to rest the last of his doubts that homosexuality was somehow “unnatural”. If Mother Nature hadn't meant for blokes to stick cocks up their arses, then she wouldn't have made the prostate feel so fucking good when prodded with one. Bloody genius woman, she was. Remus gasped through the first orgasm he ever had without his cock being touched once. The sensation of Sirius' come filling him just made him shudder more, even as they melted into the sheets and basked in the afterglow.
They tried it the other way 'round only once or twice before Remus shyly suggested that he bottom most of the time, and Sirius nearly knocked him backwards in his enthusiasm. There were still occasions when Sirius would have a go at it, though both generally preferred Remus on bottom. And Remus, in his soppier moments, might admit that he liked having Sirius moving above him, solid weight forming a shield between Remus and the rest of the world.
September:
Uncle Alphard registered Remus and Sirius at the local private school by his flat. Sirius marveled at the differences between it and boarding school, laughing like mad the first time they had to ride the bus.
November:
Remus was laughing breathlessly as Sirius had hold of his hand and dragged him into the club. “You don't understand, Remus. It's David Bowie. Ziggy Stardust himself!”
Sirius' body glitter was falling off of him and onto Remus in gentle showers every time he whipped his head around. Kohl-rimmed eyes crinkled as he laughed and tugged Remus into the club.
It was later that night, as Sirius kissed him in the smoke-filled air and his lipgloss smeared all over Remus' mouth, that Remus realized he might be in love.
December:
Christmas Eve found Remus burying his face in Sirius' jumper, quiet snuffles filling the room. Alphard was looking on sympathetically, while at the same time trying to be as unobtrusive as possible with his brandy glass by the fire.
Clutched in Remus' hand was Christmas letter from his mum, mailed to Alphard's flat.
Remus wasn't sure himself if he was terrified at the thought of his father finding him and dragging him away, or just incredibly saddened at the thought of his mum carefully sneaking away one day to the post office to mail the little hand-written card.
Sirius' strong arms and quiet support got Remus through the night, and by the time he was being awoken the next morning by Sirius' mouth wrapped around his cock and soft grey eyes peering up at him, Remus felt worlds better. He carded a hand down into Sirius' silken locks, and the other boy resumed the blowjob, sucking a long trail from base to head. Remus let his head fall back onto the pillow as a quiet pleasure snuck up on him.
1976:
March:
When he received a birthday card from his mum in March, it was less of a shock. He quietly stored the letter in a shoebox, ignoring the dark look that passed across Sirius' face.
May:
Sirius' birthday found Remus buried tongue-deep in Sirius' arse, carefully cataloguing the new sensations and tastes. Sirius arched beneath him, a string of profanities falling from his lips as hands clawed at pillows, bedsheets, headboards – anything they could reach. Remus hummed to himself, attempting to push his tongue inside and finding little resistance. Sirius' deep moan as Remus swiped his tongue along the interior of Sirius' passage was immensely gratifying, and the taste wasn't nearly as bad as Remus thought it might be.
When Sirius came untouched, hand slapping against the headboard repeatedly, Remus quickly jerked himself to completion and crawled up the bed. Sirius' nuzzling nips and kisses against Remus' throat, and the gooey contented state of his limbs were all the thanks Remus needed.
1977:
April:
Remus sagged against Alphard's kitchen counter before sliding to the floor. Everything hurt. His face, his knuckles, his ribs, his arms... and he hadn't even gotten the damned groceries. Remus felt tears pricking at his eyes. He was such a fucking poof.
“Need help putting the groc- Remus? Remus, what the hell?!”
Remus tried to pull away from Sirius' questioning fingers and concerned eyes, but Sirius was insistent. He always was. Puffy, tear-filled amber eyes met horrified grey, and Remus just shrugged a shoulder. Fuck. Even that hurt.
“Did you get mugged?”
“Not in so many words,” Remus grumbled. The instant the words left his mouth he knew he had made a mistake, because Sirius' face hardened into something Remus had never seen before. It was terrifying.
“It was those blokes at school, wasn't it? Snivellus and that lot.”
Remus shook his head, trying to diffuse the situation. “It was just messing around, Sirius. It looks worse than it is, I'm sure. Just...” Sirius had already jumped up and grabbed his leather jacket and riding goggles. Remus tried to follow, but his injuries slowed him. “Please, Sirius,” Sirius was already at the door by the time Remus managed to stand. “Don't do anything-” the door slammed shut in Remus' face. In a rage, he grabbed the nearest breakable thing – a tea mug – and threw it at the wall. “Stupid!” he finished.
Alphard's head poked around the kitchen door in inquiry, expression softening as he caught sight of Remus. “He's gone out to play hero, hasn't he?”
Remus wiped his eyes on his sleeve, nodding glumly. “He always does.”
Comforting arms wrapped around Remus and tugged him gently toward the bathroom. “Come on. Let's get you cleaned up.”
November:
Remus clutched Sirius' hand tightly as they walked up to the casket. Remus was crying unashamedly: the man who was as good as – better than – a father to him for the better part of three years was dead. Next to him, Sirius' eyes were wet, but cheeks dry. Remus knew he'd break down later, when they were alone. In Sirius' mind, only Remus was allowed to see him cry. And Alphard, but now... just Remus.
Remus waited patiently as Sirius knelt and paid his respects, pressing a kiss to his uncle's forehead before standing. He turned to Remus, nodding at the casket. “Go ahead,” he managed to croak. “'meant as much to you as he did me.”
Tears dribbled down Remus' face as he knelt down as Sirius had, whispering a soft prayer to whoever was out there. He reached out and stroked a thin finger over Alphard's hair, pushing it back so it was nice and neat. “Thank you,” he whispered.
As they walked away together, a somber man in a suit pulled them aside. “Are you Misters Sirius Black and Remus Lupin?” They nodded. The man glanced down at the folder of documents in his hand, before replying carefully: “You'd best come with me.”
1978:
“Why did you move here again?”
Sirius rolled his eyes and shoved another lot of boxes against the wall of their new flat. “Because you're here, Remus-dear.”
Remus sighed exasperatedly. They had already had this conversation countless times, but Remus still couldn't see the sense in it. “I'm the only one of us going to uni, Sirius. There was no reason for you to move out here, too. I could have just come back on weekends.” He honestly still felt a bit terrible for selling Alphard's flat. Not that he wasn't planning on moving out here before Alphard died, but still. It felt wrong to get rid of it so soon.
The door slamming shut called Remus' attention away from the dishes he was unpacking to Sirius, who was stalking slowly across the living room toward him. Slowly setting down the plate in his hand, Remus' eyes widened as Sirius pushed him against the counter, hips grinding against his. “Yeah, but now that we have our own flat, we can shag on every. available. surface.” Sirius punctuated the last three words with a thrust of his hips for each one, leaving Remus a puddle of horny butter beneath him.
“Uhhn...”
As Sirius took him relentlessly over the kitchen counter, Remus was finally convinced. This was an excellent reason for Sirius to have followed him to uni.
Of course, Remus would have to clean the counters thoroughly before he unpacked any more dishes.
1979:
March:
His birthday card this year had included a note from his father. Remus glanced at it and made to throw it in the trash when Sirius snatched it away from him. Silence reigned in the room for a long moment, as Sirius' face grew red with rage and Remus tried to be calm and rational – as calm and rational as he could be, after his father called him a faggot.
Sirius didn't even look at Remus as he gripped the note tightly and went to grab his leather jacket and riding goggles. “No. No, Sirius,” Remus moved in front of him, firm hand on his chest. “You're not doing this. Not again. You need to stop sticking up for me and fighting my battles. He's just a miserable old man. What harm could he possibly do?”
To his surprise, Sirius dropped the letter and moved to yank at Remus' shirt. Too shocked to protest, Remus let Sirius drag him to the full-length mirror in their bedroom, turning him around and pointing accusingly.
“That is what harm he could do, Remus. You may never have to look at the scars, but I do. Every time we make love, even if you're on your back, I can feel them, Remus-dear.” Sirius' voice was choked, and Remus turned away from his own reflection to see Sirius' eyes brimming with furious tears. “You'll always carry the scars of what he did to you, and I can't ever, ever forgive him for that.”
Remus sighed, stroking Sirius' cheek. “I'm not asking you to forgive him, Sirius. I never will.” Sirius' eyes fluttered closed as he leaned into Remus' touch. “Just don't go out and do something stupid, like fight him. It won't do any good. Not after all these years. Not after I have you.”
Sirius turned and kissed the palm of Remus' hands. His eyes opened and met Remus'. There wasn't a promise to behave in them. But he bent down and retrieved the letter before binning it, and didn't head toward his bike again that day.
If one day, a few weeks later, Sirius came home to him with bloodied knuckles and a scratch on his cheek, Remus didn't say anything. He stopped receiving any cards from his mum that year.
June:
“Honestly, Lils: a June bride? Isn't it a bit cliché?”
Lily fixed Sirius with her best disapproving glare before arching an eyebrow cooly in Remus' direction. “This coming from the poof whose boyfriend's favorite gift is chocolate?”
Remus shrugged good-naturedly, threading his fingers with Sirius' on the table. “What can I say, Lily: I'm a man of simple tastes.”
“Never heard Sirius described as 'simple', before. That's a good one, Remus.” Sirius gasped and threw a grape tomato at Peter, who was sitting on the opposite side of Remus.
Sirius turned to James, aghast. “Come on, mate! You're not going to defend my honor?”
Lily smiled delicately. “I think James is in a bit of a state of shock.”
“Did you hear, Sirius? She's marrying me.”
Sirius patted the stunned groom on the shoulder, sighing hopelessly. “That's it, Lils: I pass him off unto you. He's your problem, now.”
An hour later, Remus was snuggled comfortably against Sirius' side as they watched Lily and James float across the dance floor. He sighed, barely audibly. Sirius picked up on it – he always did.
“Love? What is it?”
“Don't say 'love'. It makes you sound like an old queen.”
Sirius' wink was all the reply he needed.
Remus waited for a moment, thinking that Sirius might drop the issue. Feeling Sirius' heavy gaze on him, he sighed, straightening up in his seat. “Just thinking that it's a shame that can't be us.”
Immediately Sirius' eyes softened, and he leaned in to kiss Remus gently. “Do you want to do something? A little ceremony? We can do the cake, and rings, and make everyone dress up.”
Remus shook his head, threading his hand through Sirius'. “It'd all just be for show. And a waste of money. Maybe, if it's ever legal, we'll do something.”
With fierce devotion shining in his eyes, Sirius suddenly gripped both of Remus' hands in his own. “I swear, Remus John Lupin, I will stay by you until the day I die. And we all know I'll be the one to die first, with that ridiculous motorcycle I insist on riding around on.” Remus snorted as Sirius did a passable impression of his country accent. “But I do. I promise. You and only you, Remus-dear.”
Sirius sealed the promise with a kiss.
1980:
July 31st:
Sirius was already passing out cigars as he strode into the hospital. “Here, take one! I'm a Godfather! You want one? Go ahead!”
Remus was just doing his best to make sure Sirius didn't forget himself and try and light the cigar dangling from his mouth while they were still in the hospital.
They entered the maternity ward waiting room to find James pacing around the chairs, hair in even more of disarray than usual. Peter was slouching in one of the chairs, fiddling with the lid of his coffee cup and looking rather bored. To his credit, he had been there at least two hours already, since it had taken that long for Sirius and Remus to get over to the hospital once they got James' frantic phone call. Remus slouched down next to him, while Sirius went over to try and calm down James.
“Hey.” Remus greeted Peter.
“Hey.”
Remus nodded at the obviously empty coffee cup. “Want another? There was a vending machine as we walked in: crisps?”
Peter perked up. “Yeah, sure. Thanks, mate.”
Remus returned with four packs of crisps and three cups of coffee balanced carefully between his fingers. He handed the coffee out to Peter and Sirius, keeping the last one for himself. James didn't need the caffeine, in Remus' judgement.
Hours later, a nurse came out and congratulated James on being a new father. He collapsed in Sirius' arms, alternatively sobbing and laughing hysterically.
The three of them managed to corral James into the room where Lily lay, exhausted but jubilant, with a little bundle of baby in her arms. Sirius immediately pointed out the ridiculous shock of black hair poking out from the bundle of blankets and slapped James on the arm. “Look at that hair! Just like his old man.”
James eyes were brimming with pride as he carefully joined Lily and baby Harry on the bed. He refused to hold him at first, insisting that he'd just drop Harry on his delicate little head. It took Lily pushing Harry into James' arms for the proud father to take hold of him. The baby yawned, face nuzzling into his father's shirt. Remus thought James might burst with love and pride.
When Sirius was deigned a go at holding the baby by Lily, Sirius carried him over to Remus, so they could coo and aw together. Remus reached out and played with Harry's fingers, marveling at his teeny-tiny fingernails.
Remus slipped an arm around Sirius as they gazed down at the little baby's face, who gazed a little sleepily back up. Sirius nudged him. “Want one?”
Remus sighed softly. “I think if you haven't gotten me pregnant yet, it's not going to happen.”
They passed the baby off to Peter, who stared with wide eyes down at the bundle, as if it was a tiny little miracle. Which, Remus supposed, it was. “You thought it might.”
Remus frowned at Sirius, distracted by the broody feelings baby Harry was awakening in him. “Sorry?”
“The second time you gave me a blowjob – well, the first real time. At James' footie camp?”
Remus blushed, mouth open as he remembered. “I can't believe you remember that.”
James' ears had perked up, and he glanced away from Peter handing the baby back to Lily. “What was this about blowjobs and my footie camp?”
As much as he tried to silence him with gestures and looks, Sirius talked right over Remus. “First time Remus gave me a proper blowjob was in the top bunk at footie camp, when we ran away together. He swallowed and then got nervous it might get him pregnant.”
Remus blushed bright red, shoving half-heartedly at Sirius. “I was thinking of watermelon seeds,” he grumbled.
James just groaned. “And I made you Harry's Godfather? I've ruined the poor lad already.”
“Perhaps,” Lily pondered as she rocked Harry gently, “you can save those stories for when Harry is much, much older. Thirty or so, I'd think.”
Sirius just laughed and started listing all the fantastically dangerous toys he was planning on getting Harry for Christmas.
1989:
March:
“If I have to read one more paper citing Shakespeare as a source for their Roman history project, I'm going to gouge my eyes out.”
“Rough day at work, love?”
Remus bent down and pecked Sirius on the lips on his way to the fridge. “Ridiculous. You think uni students would have a better grasp of what comprises a proper source.” He pulled out cheese and crackers and a bottle of wine before joining Sirius at the table. Sirius immediately stood and grabbed them two glasses, stretching his legs out upon sitting back down so that his feet caressed Remus' ankles.
“That's what you get for offering to teach a first-year English class.”
“Never again,” Remus grumbled around a mouthful of cheese and crackers. “How was your day?”
Sirius sighed, leaning back with his glass of wine cradled between his fingers. “Steven had another run-in with some bullies.”
Remus frowned. “Did you report it?”
“Of course I did, but I dunno how much good it'll do. His headmaster still doesn't want to acknowledge gay-bashing at his school. Hell, if it were up to that man, he wouldn't acknowledge us at all.”
“What about a transfer?”
Sirius shook his head sadly, twirling the wine around in his glass. “His parents don't have the money to ship him off somewhere else. I just...” Remus leaned across the table and took Sirius' hand in his. The other man looked up with a grateful smile. “I wish there was more I could do for these kids. They're so lost and scared, and most don't have anywhere they can feel safe.”
Standing, Remus walked around the table to Sirius. He placed a gentle hand on Sirius' chin and tilted his head up so that they could kiss, slow and gentle. “Remember,” he murmured against Sirius' lips, “You'll have always helped at least one confused little boy, no matter what happens when you're volunteering.”
Sirius smiled and rubbed at Remus' arm. “Yeah, but I got quite a bit out of that good deed, myself.” He winked roguishly up at Remus. “In fact, feeling up for a reward shag right now?”
Allowing himself to be dragged from the kitchen and to the bedroom, Remus sighed. “When's your libido supposed to calm down?”
“I'm not thirty for another two months!” Sirius whinged. “And never: not with you as my inspiration, Remus-dear.”
Remus groaned as he found himself being tugged down onto the bed.
2005:
December 5th:
“D'you wanna get married?”
Remus glanced at the telly, where the BBC reporter was describing the recent legislation in detail. “Do we need to?” He glanced over his reading glasses at Sirius. “I thought you didn't need a ring to stay faithful.”
Sirius winked roguishly, pushing a spattering of grey hair back against his temples. “No, but I do like my collar.”
Remus smiled, eyes drifting back down to the exams he was grading as he thought that was the end of it.
A moment later, Sirius spoke up again. “But what about insurance?”
Remus sighed, taking off his glasses. He folded them as he considered Sirius from across the table. His expression was earnest, and just a tiny bit hopeful. Remus smiled softly. “Well if it's for insurance purposes...” Remus jabbed his glasses at Sirius. “But we need to wait until after Ginny gives birth. She's liable to drop any day now, and I'm not about to upstage the birth of your great-Godson. Or daughter.”
Sirius grinned, reaching across the table to close his hands over Remus'. “Deal.”
End.