CrackFic! Gankutsuou

[amuly]

Oh yeah. More nostalgia. So this is from high school, way back when. It's a crack-fic I wrote about Gankutsuou. I mostly wrote Gankutsuou fics because there were absolutely none in existence at the time, which makes sense considering that I was writing this as the episodes were still coming out. I boldly titled this:

Title: The First American Gankutsuou Fic Ever Written!

which, might actually have been true at the time.

Pairing: Franz/Albert
Word Count: 1,025
Rating: PG-13
Summary: crack!fic about Albert, Franz, and the Count
Warnings: Crack. Also attempt at witticisms by high school me. You have been warned.
A/N: I apologize. Yeah.

            Albert walked through the streets of Paris, depressed, confused, and horribly naïve. “Who am I? Why is Franz so mature? Why doesn’t Eugine love me? Why do I only care about her since I can’t have her?” So many thoughts filled Albert’s head, a quite rare occurrence. Albert had never thought this seriously before in his life. “Does this mean I’m an adult? I don’t want to grow up! I want everything to stay exactly like it is! Forever!”

            “Albert? Albert!” Albert turned around swiftly. Rain poured down, and he could not see anything more than a dark blur a few feet away. “Count!” Albert said excitedly.

            Smack! A hand came sailing through the rain and slapped Albert across the face. “It’s always about the Count now isn’t it? What ever happened to ‘Hey Franz, how you doing? Want to go to our cool little hideout?’” Albert rubbed his cheek and frowned. (look! It’s Franz! Fan girls rejoice!)

            “That hurt Franz. Why did you do that?”

            Franz sighed. “Let’s go to our cool hideout place. At least there maybe you’ll stop looking around for the Count.”

            Albert quickly stopped looking over Franz’s shoulder for the Count.

            ”I wasn’t looking…” Franz ignored Albert’s denials and started off through the rain.

            Soon they reached their old hideout, a place once filled with happy memories, now sad and empty. Especially since the Count came and started ruining people’s lives. As Franz’s started up the stairs he sighed.

            “What’s wrong Franz? For some reason ever since we came back from Luna you’ve been withdrawn and sad. Oh no!” Albert put a hand to his mouth and his eyes filled with tears. “You’re not…becoming an adult are you! Why is everyone else growing up besides me!”

            Franz turned around and looked sadly at Albert in front of the door to their room. “Because you’re still innocent and naïve.” Albert considered protesting his naivety, then thought better of it. “You haven’t figured out all the horrible things that I’ve had to figure out to keep you safe.”

            “Keep me safe? From what?” As Albert sad this Franz opened the door, only to a long-limbed weird blue man standing on the other side.

            “Count!” Franz gasped. (fan girls, attack!)

            “Count!” Albert giggled. Albert tried to run forward to glomp the Count but Franz put his hand out and stopped him.

            “No. Bad Albert.” Franz said. “How did you find our secret hideout Count? Why do you keep following my lo- I mean, Albert? Can’t you just leave our relationship alone!” Albert, seeing as he couldn’t get to the count, occupied himself by watching the fabric of Franz’s really pretty outfit move around. It was pretty…

            “Albert. I have come to take you away. Again. Without telling anyone else.” The Count smiled winningly at Albert.

            “Okay!” Albert said, drawing his gaze away from Franz’s shirt and staring instead at the Count. “Hey! You have two different color eyes! I’m not going to look into that more! They’re neat!”

            Franz hit himself on the head. “Why do I put up with you? Count, leave. Now. Albert and I need to have a long talk about you, and you’re not allowed to be here. Leave so I can sedu- I mean, talk to Albert.” (we know its true.)

            The Count bowed. “As you wish Franz. I have no qualms with your parents. I don’t think. So I’ll let you live your life. Just to warn you though, Albert’s life might get a little screwy.” The Count walked out and hopped into his carriage driven by mechanical horses. Which look possessed.

            “Okay. Now that he’s gone we need to talk.” Franz pulled Albert into the room and locked the door. “Sit.” Franz pointed to the bed. Albert sat.

            “Isn’t the Count neat? He’s so cool. I think I might be in-“

            “Don’t you dare go any further!” Franz said, looking around suspiciously.

            “Why not? Everyone knows it’s true.” Albert said.

            “Not everyone. There are fangirls in denial out there…” Franz said ominously. Albert looked around worriedly. “Now,” Franz said, sitting on the bed next to Albert (hurray!), “have you heard about your parents?”

            “Hm? What about them? Did dad win the election?” Albert perked up.

            “What? No! the election isn’t for a couple weeks. My gosh you’re stupid.” Franz sighed. “Your dad has been arrested on charges of war crimes. He’s no longer running for election and your mother is probably going to kill herself.”

            Albert broke down sobbing. “The world is falling apart! My whole life I’ve based who I was on parents reputations and accomplishments! What purpose does my life hold? Who am I?!”

            Franz, in an unusual display of passion, grabbed Albert by the shoulders. “You are the person I love!” (fan girls of the world unite!)

            “O yeah I know that. Love like a brother. I love you too then!” Albert hugged Franz in a completely plutonic manner. Franz sighed and hugged him back. (fangirls start crying.)

            “Yeah…sure…that’s what I meant.” Franz pulled back and stared at the interesting pattern on the bed.

            Albert giggled. Franz looked over at him suspiciously. Albert giggled some more, then broke into unrestrained laughter. “I’m just kidding Franz! I’m not that stupid! Man, you should have seen the look on your face when you thought I thought you only platonically loved me. I mean come on, who hasn’t figured out your infatuation for me by now? I love you too! Non-platonically!” (fangirls do the happy dance!)

            Franz gasped in surprise. “But the Count…”

            Albert shook his head. “He’s just helping me make you jealous. We planned it all out. The Count’s very good at that sort of thing. I didn’t ask why.”

            “So you do love me? Like want to throw me down on this bed and have hot man sex with me right now?” Franz asked suspiciously.

            “Okay!” Albert said. And thusly all the fangirls of the world were silenced, as they watched Franz and Albert have hot man sex all night long. And the Count sat in his inter-dimensional palace and masturbated, cause he still couldn’t get it on with Albert’s mom.

            THE END