Are We Not Men?

[amuly]

Title: Are We Not Men?
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Word Count: 1,536
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sirius has some doubts the morning of graduation. Remus sits, smokes, and speaks with him.
Warnings: smoking, mentions of rim jobs and blow jobs
A/N: Over 28k into my rsbigbang  (yeah, seriously: What. The. Fuck.), so wanted to take a break from that and my Torchwood series for a little one-shot. Went to my prompt list, and saw this little guy on there. Enjoy. (Bonus fact: the jumper Remus is wearing in this fic is stolen the one in epithalamium 's art for me ^.^)

 

 

Remus shivered as he climbed the cool stone steps of the astronomy tower, wrapping his dark green jumper tight around him. It might be early June, but that didn't mean that the mornings weren't still cool up here at Hogwarts. It seemed the cool never really left the castle, already poking its tendrils out of the stone's cracks in September, when the students arrived; still clinging on in June, when they left.

Like now.

Remus took a moment to breathe as he reached the top landing in the tower, then started for the window. Carefully he leaned out – bones still feeling like they were creaking, muscles still protesting stiffly to this much exertion so soon after the full. But his boyfriend was being moody, and so Remus knew that meant he had endure all sorts of ridiculousness to extract him from his maudlin pit.

Sure enough, when Remus poked his head out the window, he was barely able to catch sight of a little tendril of smoke floating around the corner. With a sigh, Remus started the process of gently maneuvering his aching body out the window. He managed, with only a rather put-out IT band complaining at him by the time he was squatting on the roof itself.

From there it was a simple matter of picking his way over the roof tiles to Sirius' favorite smoking spot. The tiles were damp with morning dew, but there were enough walls to hang on to, and the roof was pitched low enough, that Remus made it to the small alcove with little issue.

And there was Sirius. Back against the wall of the tower, legs crooked up and forearms resting on top of them, two packs of cigarettes on the roof beneath his bent legs. He didn't even look up from his seat as Remus stepped carefully over and sat down. Remus made sure their shoulders bumped, smiling to himself when Sirius didn't pull away. It wasn't a deep pit, then: this one that Sirius was in. There was hope yet for them to make the graduation ceremony in four hours time.

Wordlessly Sirius extracted two fresh fags from their pack, lighting them both with the tip of his spent one. He passed one to Remus, fingers brushing against each other as he did.

“Thanks,” Remus said, before taking a long puff. He sighed, relaxing back against the tower. It was cold and damp, but he needed the support to take the pressure off his abdominal muscles. His body still managed a betraying shiver, prompting Sirius to grumble to himself before throwing an arm over Remus' shoulders and pulling him close.

“Silly git,” he chided as he rubbed his hand up and down Remus' arm, trying to warm him. “You know how cold you get.”

“Yeah, well,” Remus took a drag on his cigarette, hands shaking only slightly. “I've got you to look after, don't I?”

Sirius said nothing. So Remus waited, smoking his cigarette, then flicking the ember out when it was down to the filter. He fiddled with the stub, field-stripping it: pulling the filter out of the paper, before crumpling both into tiny balls and flicking them away. When Sirius continued to smoke, all moody angst emanating from his every glare at some indiscernible spot in the distance, Remus sighed and leaned his head on Sirius' shoulder.

He waited, watching the dark blue fog over the Hogwarts grounds. It was thick this morning, though he was sure the sun would burn it off before the ceremony. Even now, as the sun began to think about rising, the fog was slowly changing colors: first to a lighter blue, then a soft pink, then a bright orange, as the sun finally managed to breech the horizon.

“We're graduating.”

As Remus waited for Sirius to continue, he reached between Sirius' legs and snagged another fag, lighting it with Sirius' lighter. Sirius didn't even make a hand job quip.

“So... are we adults now? Grown men?”

Remus laughed. “You and Prongs'll never be adults, I can assure you.”

Sirius grunted softly, fingers tracing soft lines up and down Remus' wool-covered arm. “It's just weird. We're graduated. Now we're expected to have jobs, and pay bills, and Prongs'll probably get married, and have a houseful of little Pronglets, and... but I don't...” he growled, frustrated. “I don't feel any different! I still feel like that stupid berk that almost ruined your life little over a year ago.”

Remus waited for Sirius to finish, smoking and watching the sunrise as he was, curled up into Sirius' chest.

“I've got a theory.” Remus took a drag from his fag, giving Sirius the opportunity to interrupt. He didn't. “You never really become a man. You just start calling your mates men in conversation – say we're trying to set Wormtail up with some girl. Someday soon, we'll start saying to her 'Well, I've got this great mate, real nice man-' and that'll be it. We call our mates men, they return the favor, and that'll be that. We'll be men, then.”

“That's mad.”

“Well what'd you expect, Sirius? A coming out ball? An initiation ceremony? Dumbledore assembles all us, hands us a book filled with all the manly secrets of the universe, and then suddenly we're men?” Sirius' chest rumbled with soft laughs. Remus smiled into it. “There's no line in the sand for this.”

Above him Sirius shifted, then settled again. Remus waited through his fidgeting, then continued. “Just think about it this way: back when you were a kid, you'd see adults walking around, doing adult stuff, telling you what to do. And you'd listen to them-”

“You'd listen to them-”

“Okay, I'd listen to them, you'd tell them to stick it up their arse.” Sirius laughed. The noise echoed off Hogwart's walls before being swallowed up in the fog. “Point is, you figured, they knew what they were doing. They were adults. Well turns out, they didn't know any more than we do right now.”

“That's ruddy terrifying, is what that is.”

Flicking his cigarette out over the tiles, Remus pulled away from Sirius' embrace. Their eyes met, and Remus smiled. He reached a hand up to cup Sirius' face. “Yeah, well: man up.”

Sirius shook his head with a smile tugging at his lips, before turning into Remus' palm and kissing it lightly. Remus smiled, leaning forward and pulling Sirius into a proper kiss. It was meant to be gentle and reassuring, but before Remus knew it he was in Sirius' lap, hands in his hair. He pulled away with a gasp. “We should...” he blinked, trying to focus. Sirius was grinning beneath him, prompting Remus to give him a slap to his shoulder for his insolence. “Right. Come on.”

Sirius groaned, but he let Remus drag him to his feet, gathering up his fags and lighter and shoving them in his jeans. They picked their way through the broken and still wet roof tiles, finally making it back through the window in one piece. Indoors again, Remus found himself swept up in Sirius' embrace, a firm kiss being pressed to his temple. “Thanks, Moony.”

Remus shrugged Sirius off, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. “Did we already sign the rental agreement on that flat? Because I dunno if I can stand minding you without James or Peter to share the work.”

Their shoulders bumped as they started down the numerous stairs back to the Gryffindor dorms. “What if,” Sirius proposed, “I promise to reward you every time with a blow job?” When Remus took a moment to consider this, Sirius hurried on. “And a rim job. Separate night or same: your choice.” He shot Remus one of his brilliant grins, winking roguishly.

Remus couldn't resist that grin. It's why they were there now, after all: it had helped Sirius pull Remus in the first place, years ago. “Alright,” he conceded. “Blow job and rim job. Every time I have to deal with one of your sulks.”

“Well you know what that means,” Sirius teased. Remus paused on the last step to the astronomy tower, cocking his head at Sirius already on the level floor. He winked again. “We'd best hurry up if you want to claim half of your reward before graduation.”

“Half?” Remus frowned, making a big show of checking his watch. Sirius laughed and tugged him off the last step, dragging him through the halls. “The ceremony's not for another three hours,” he pointed out. “I think we can manage the full reward.”

Sirius' breath was hot against Remus' ear, eliciting a shiver from him. “We can sure try.”

As Sirius' barking laugh echoed through the hallways, Remus felt only a small, nostalgic pang. It might be one of the last times Sirius' voice filled these halls. But they had a new flat waiting for them in London, ready for the two young men to fill it with all new sights and sounds and memories.

 

Comments

[rewindclunkplay.livejournal.com]

god, this- this was just perfect, truly. The perfect mix between witty banter and serious-grown-up-talk, it was such a lovely piece.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Awwww wow, thank you! Such high praise ^.^

[epithalamium]

How many of my favourite things have you managed to include in this fic? ♥

1. Smoking. Do you smoke? Because your description of the smoke, Sirius lighting up the cigarette: dear me, I can just smell it. I love it when writers capture such a sensory experience so perfectly.

2. That scared feeling people get after they graduate. It's been four years since I've been at uni, but I can still remember the feeling so well: terrified that life won't get any better than it is now, terrified that it will. I'm so glad they have each other. (And of course, this is set in a timeline where Peter never betrays James, and Sirius and Remus grow old together.)

3. Sort of 4:00 rooftop meeting. I remember one author I love very much saying that '4 o' clock knows all my secrets', and it's like that here, except Remus is there for Sirius, Remus with his comfy jumper. :D

4. Rimming. Now that sounds like a good deal you made there, Messr Padfoot!

Can I love this any more than I do?

[amuly.livejournal.com]

:DDDDDD

I am so glad I accidentally included so many of your favorite things ^.^ Must have been Providence, see?

1.] Yeeeeeees I do. Except I'm currently "quitting", aka: about to move out to grad school and don't want to upset my parents so quitting until I get up to grad school wherein I will buy several cartons and continue to smoke like the crotchety old logic professor I am deep down.

I also field-strip my ciggys when I'm chatting/smoking, aka, don't have to go inside right away/putzing around. So ^.^

2.] That feeling was the last year of my life, as I applied desperately to grad school and received NINETEEN rejection letters. Like, holy shit, I'm an adult, why am I still fighting with my parents? (Oh, wait: that never stops, does it? :P)

3.] Oooo I like that.

4.] Rimming IS ALWAYS A GOOD DEAL ^.^

I'm so glad you loved this, bb ^.^ What an awesome convergence of events. *hugs*

[epithalamium]

That is certainly what I call good luck. :D Maybe Kismet doesn't hate me so much after all.

And dude, about smoking! Haha, I just burned a big-ass hole in my mattress last Sunday because my brother kept asking me to help him with his video game and I left my cigarette in a fake ashtray. Not funny. My grandmother is going to kill me. XD

[fayte.livejournal.com]

Poppy!

[mypretty-art.livejournal.com]

A: WE ARE DEVO!!!! D-E-V-O!!

:-D This was so sweet! And interesting observations - I like that you know you're a man when you start describing your peers that way. That's a great way to think about it. :)

[amuly.livejournal.com]

*snooooork*

And yes, this is the conclusion I've come to recently, after realizing that, yes, myself and most of the people I know are "grown ups". O.o

[purpleyedemon.livejournal.com]

I think I've been stuck on Sirius' rooftop since I graduated from college a year ago. I know exactly how that feels :( Wish I had a Remus there to make it all better ;)

I absolutely LOVE this fic. It just feels so...real? I can't come up with a better word for it at the moment, lol. Though I kept being distracted by all the gifs along your sidebar...*stares*

[amuly.livejournal.com]

The gifs are quite lovely and distracting. I find myself staring at them instead of writing fic ^.^

I think anyone out of high school and/or uni has been there with Sirius, to lesser or greater degrees. You might not have a Remus, but at least there's lots of other people up on that same rooftop with you *inspiring hugs* Glad you liked it.

[giddymorose.livejournal.com]

Absolutely brilliant - I could picture everything so clearly. You write the boys (sorry, men) so well :D

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Awww thanks! I'm glad you liked ^.^

[cmajalis.livejournal.com]

That was very lovely <3 Funny and emotional at the same time :) I like how Remus is the one comforting even if his life is going to be more difficult.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Remus always seemed like the long-suffering shoulder to cry on guy, where even though his own problems were MASSIVE, he would always support his friends. ^.^

Glad you liked!

[lovely-seraph.livejournal.com]

Point is, you figured, they knew what they were doing. They were adults. Well turns out, they didn't know any more than we do right now.”

“That's ruddy terrifying, is what that is.”

THIS. You have killed me. I am slain.

I remember thinking this exact thing when I was 18 and leaving for military training. I was like... g'ahhh. It was quite the epiphany.

Beautifully written and very sweet. ::squishes the boys::

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Awwwww thanks!!!! ^.^ Glad it spoke to you ^.^

[escribo.livejournal.com]

Really, really, really quite lovely. Very vivid yet gentle. Compelling.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Aww thanks ^.^

[stoddardtee.livejournal.com]

b-e-a-u-tiful. gah. just, love<3

[amuly.livejournal.com]

<3 <3 ^.^ Thank you!

[eprime.livejournal.com]

You've captured such a universal moment/fear here so well. Great job.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Thanks ^.^

[fayte.livejournal.com]

Love love this!

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Glad you did! ^.^

[adari94.livejournal.com]

I absolutely loved this fic!
"Well turns out, they didn't know any more than we do right now.”
“That's ruddy terrifying, is what that is.”
I love that line, and I think it's very true. It's scary growing up and realising everyone is just figuring life out.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it, in all of its "adult" wisdom ~.^