Life is All, Part III: Day Aleph-Null, Chapter 1

[amuly]

Title: Life is All Part III: Day ℵ0: Chapter 1
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, mentions of past Jack/everyone
Word Count: 3,138
Rating: NC-17
Summary: After Ianto’s revival, Jack and Ianto take time to “talk”.
Warnings: ninja!angst
A/N: Ahahaha who loves my obscenely clever title? Aleph-null is the transfinite cardinal set. Aka, the infinity of countable numbers (basically). Get it?!?! B/c it’s not full infinity (Ianto isn’t immortal), but countable numbers infinity (Ianto is back!).

Okay, I’m just going to go hide in my room now…

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7 Part II: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7

 

            For a moment after the door snicked shut behind them, Jack was worried that by ‘talk’, Ianto meant actually talk. But as Jack eased himself down onto the bed and Ianto toed off his shoes, Jack realized that Ianto was just having him on. As soon as Jack was settled in Ianto rolled on top of him and kissed him soundly.

            Jack melted into the kiss. It was everything, everything he needed, everything he had been missing. It was tender and sweet, but insistent and firm – in control. It was Ianto, and Jack loved him for it.

            When Ianto pulled away Jack leaned forward to try and recapture his lips, stopped only by a hand on his chest. “Wait, Jack.” Jack looked up into those beautiful blue eyes and the little frown line appearing between his eyebrows. “Just let me run through the facts?”

            Without hesitation Jack nodded. Ianto needed to be in control, and right now information was something Jack had and Ianto didn’t.

            “What’s the date exactly?”

            Jack checked his manipulator. “May twenty-fifth, twenty-ten.”

Ianto paused, mouthing the date to himself. After a moment he regained control. “How’d you do it?”

            “The Doctor came,” Jack ignored Ianto’s derisive snort, though he felt the same, “Introduced me to Alonso. I thought maybe the Doctor had a plan, introducing us.” Jack let his hands come up and grip Ianto’s neck, thumbs stroking soothingly. “It’s the only reason I kept him around.”

            Ianto sighed, but nodded. “It’s alright, Jack. I know…” he paused, eyes drifting away from Jack and up, as he searched for the right words. “I know who you are.”

            “But…” Jack wanted to rush to reassure Ianto. Tell him he was the only one, explain how ruined he was without him. But Ianto cut him off, grinding his hips playfully down onto him.

            “Do you want us to actually talk, sir, or would you rather get reacquainted in a more pleasant manner?” He arched an eyebrow, and Jack could almost cry at the sight. His Ianto.

            “No, no. Sorry.” Jack pulled Ianto in for another kiss, which he returned eagerly, before continuing. “Alonso’s from a star system next door to the 456. I thought maybe the Doctor wanted me to get revenge, but when I got there, they were all dead.”

            Ianto frowned. Jack could see the confusion in his eyes, and it was with a start that Jack remembered that Ianto wasn’t around for their eventual defeat. He didn’t know what Jack had done – oh, Stephen…

            But Ianto was nodding his head, encouraging Jack to continue. “Then, I realized that with the antivirus and some nanogenes, I might be able to bring you back. But John…”

            Ianto raised an eyebrow. “You got John involved? Well,” he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest even as he continued to straddle Jack, “had some fun in the meantime, sir?”

            Jack growled. “No. John ended up stealing the antivirus, replacing it with saline.” Jack clutched at Ianto’s face. “I didn’t realize until we had already administered the nanogenes. I thought…” he took a shaky breath, “I thought you might not come back.” Or die in my arms, all over again.

            Ianto stared back at him for just a moment, eyes searching his. Then he leaned forward and kissed Jack, wrapping his strong arms around Jack’s back and pulling him close. Jack knew that it was enough for Ianto, for now. Now it was time for more important things than words.

            The taste of Ianto, his wet tongue sliding in Jack’s mouth, undid Jack. It was so right, and perfect, and… “Ianto, please.” Jack’s voice cracked. He needed them to be together, skin on skin, but he couldn’t move his hands away from Ianto’s face. His fingers moved perpetually over the skin, just feeling touching caressing, anchoring himself to Ianto’s being.

            Ianto – good, solid, dependable Ianto – was already pulling down the zips on their trousers and the buttons on their shirts. They parted for a second to get vests over heads and trousers off legs before they were back, clinging to each other as hands roamed the newly exposed expanses of flesh. Jack’s hips were pumping out a rhythm against Ianto, who was responding back in kind. Ianto broke the kiss first, though their hips kept moving. “How do you want…?”

            Jack whimpered as he pulled Ianto back to him, peppering his face with kisses. He made a promise to himself then that before the week was out he would have kissed every square inch of Ianto’s skin – and the parts inside he could reach as well. “In me, Ianto.”

            A frown appeared on his face as he glanced around. “Lube?”

            Jack groaned, glancing around. “My pack. I’ll get it.” Ianto swung a leg off of Jack, and sat down patiently on the bed to wait.

            For a moment, Jack didn’t want to tear his eyes away from Ianto, afraid he might…die, or vanish, or fade away as Jack woke up from this perfect dream. Ianto must have sensed his hesitation, because a lopsided grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Not going anywhere, sir. I’m here.”

            With a start, Jack realized that he wouldn’t have minded it if they had just talked. He hadn’t heard that deep voice scraping over those Welsh vowels in so long, that each syllable was like a gentle caress. He nodded, before turning to his back and rummaging around for the lube. As he turned back to the bed and saw Ianto lying there, stroking his half-hard erection lazily, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding.

            “Still here.”

            Jack grinned, climbing up the bed to crouch before Ianto. He batted Ianto’s hands away and replaced them with his own, stroking slowly. Ianto’s eyes fluttered closed, and he hummed approvingly. Jack’s thumb reached up and lightly caressed one of those eyelids, revealing in the feel of those long lashes beneath his fingers, the way the firm skin resisted his tugging. “Are you okay? For this, I mean?”

            Ianto’s eyes opened and he smiled at Jack’s concern. “Feeling better than new, really.” His hand flickered up to touch his cheek, where the cut had disappeared. “Nanogenes were quite the wonder.”

            Jack slid a finger over Ianto’s cheek, feeling no trace of the cut that had marred it when he died. He pressed the tube of lubricant into Ianto’s hands, kissing him soundly before rolling over onto his back. “Will you do it?”

            Ianto’s face appeared above him, still smiling. “Of course.” They didn’t always prepare the other during sex. Sometimes Jack would open himself up, or leave Ianto to his own devices as he slicked up his own cock. It was more efficient, really, if they just took care of themselves. But tonight wasn’t about efficiency. Tonight, Jack wanted to feel every inch of Ianto during every second of the night. He didn’t want to forgo a single opportunity for contact.

            As Ianto’s first digit entered him, Jack breathed out slowly, eyes trained on Ianto’s face. He refused to close his eyes for even a second of this union. Ianto’s face was pulled tight in concentration as he pushed a second digit alongside the first, thrusting them in and out repeatedly. As he scissored them, Jack spread his legs wider and canted his hips up. Ianto looked Jack in the eyes, then, a familiar wicked gleam in his own. With the next thrust in, Ianto’s fingers pressed against Jack’s prostate. He moaned, hips thrusting in the air, eyes fluttering. But he didn’t let his eyes fall closed – not for a moment. He needed to see Ianto. He wasn’t going to lose another second.

            Ianto pulled his fingers out, then, hands going to grip at Jack’s thighs and pull him closer to Ianto’s hips. Jack reached a hand forward to clutch at Ianto’s forearm. There was a pause as each man looked at the other. Then, Ianto was entering him with aching slowness.

            It was…Jack’s mouth fell open, stretching wide in a silent scream. It was Ianto. Ianto’s face was tight with arousal, in that all-so-familiar expression. He was still for only a moment before he pulled back, entering Jack again with deliberate slowness. “How do you,” Ianto grunted as he pulled out and thrust back in, “want it?”

            Jack tossed his head from side to side, hand a death-grip on Ianto’s forearm. “Any way. Any way. Just…you.” Jack groaned as Ianto seemed to understand the meaning behind his garbled words, and fell into firm, deliberate thrusts at their favorite pace.

            Sweat started to bead on Ianto’s upper lip, and Jack tugged at his forearm, silently urging him down. With a grunt, Ianto changed position so that he was covering Jack, kissing him gently. Jack lapped at the sweat before plunging his tongue into Ianto’s mouth. The speed of his thrusts sped up, and Jack moaned, lifting his legs to wrap around Ianto’s back. “Yes, Ianto, yes, more…”

            Then Ianto’s hands were there, squeezing Jack’s arse, lifting it to change the angle. Jack gasped as Ianto thrust against his prostate, each movement sending a spark of electricity straight to his cock. He wasn’t about to come, though: not until Ianto did.

           As his thrusts sped up, Jack reveled in feeling Ianto, in paying careful attention to every minute change in expression and body. His breaths coming in shorter little puffs, warming Jack’s ear, told him that Ianto was getting close. The way Ianto’s index fingers both twitched even in their grip on Jack’s arse were another sign of his impending orgasm. But Ianto’s biggest tell was the little noise that came from the back of his throat: a sad, little throaty whine. Jack had missed that noise.

            As Ianto came, Jack wrapped a hand around his cock and jerked himself to completion. He came within a couple of strokes: he had been on the edge since the moment Ianto had entered him. With another, more manly groan, Ianto pulled himself out of Jack and rolled to the side. Jack reached out and laid a hand across Ianto’s stomach, refusing to abandon contact, even for a moment as they caught their breaths.

            After a minute, Jack turned to Ianto, gazing at his sated frame. He frowned. Was Ianto… “Ianto, are you…are you okay?”

            “’M fine.”

            Jack couldn’t be positive, but he thought he heard Ianto sniff softly. He rolled over to his side of the bed, fumbling with the bedside lamp until he managed to flick it on. Rolling back over, he put one arm over Ianto and pushed himself up. Ianto’s face was wet, eyes red.

            “Ianto, what?”

            “’M fine, Jack. Sorry. Just…” Ianto smiled tightly up at Jack. “Bit overwhelming, is all. I just died a few hours ago – to me, at least – and now I’m back, with a second chance…” his voice broke, and he closed his eyes, tilting his head away from Jack. Jack reached out with his free hand and gently pushed Ianto’s chin until he was looking up at Jack again.

            “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Sorry, I was just…I didn’t think.” Jack could have kicked himself. He hadn’t thought about what this would be like for Ianto – he had just been so desperate to have him back. Not that he regretted it, and he knew that Ianto didn’t either. But Ianto obviously needed some time to adjust.

            Ianto took a breath, looking like he was trying to steady himself. He managed to force a shaky grin as he looked up at Jack. “Well, for the best, all this. At least I have a chance for some better last words. ‘In a thousand years time, you won’t remember me.’? How daft is that?”

            Jack’s eyes widened. “Do…do you want to…talk, about it?” A cold lump of fear was settling in Jack’s stomach at the thought of revisiting that day.

            But Ianto was shaking his head, even as the tears continued to flow down his cheeks. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Just need a bit.”

            Jack nodded, settling down on the pillows and pulling Ianto close. Automatically Ianto pressed his face into Jack’s neck, and Jack threw a leg over Ianto’s thigh. Tears sprang into Jack’s own eyes, then. Such a little gesture and yet…this was them. This was what they did together, and now Ianto was back, and they could be ‘them’ for just a little while longer.

            Jack drifted off to sleep more quickly than he had in almost a year.

**

            “I know, Gwen. But he’s not like that.”

            Jack shifted. Ianto wasn’t in bed with him, was the first thing he noticed. He glanced at the clock: three am. In the eerie light filtering through the curtains from the street, Jack gazed around the room. The bathroom door was shut, and there was a strip of light coming out from under the door.

            “No, Gwen, I don’t want him to. … Because he’d just be saying it for me!”

            Jack frowned. Quietly, he tossed the thin bed sheets off – getting too hot for much bedding, now – and padded across the hotel room in bare feet. Settling himself next to the bathroom door, Jack listened in.

            “It was a mistake, Gwen. A stupid mistake. I should never have told him I love him: not when he can’t love me back. Of course, I suppose I can be excused for not thinking straight. I was dying, after all.”

            Figures. That was such an Ianto thing to do. He had wanted to talk about his deathbed confessional, so what did he do? Talk about something else he had said – in this case, his last words. Jack growled low in his throat. Well, if Ianto was going to be infuriatingly Ianto, then Jack was just going to have to be infuriatingly Jack.

            Without another thought, Jack flung open the bathroom door, stormed through it, and swept Ianto up into a fireman’s carry. As Ianto yelped with the indignity of the situation, Jack plucked the phone from his grasp. “Gwen?”

            “Jack!” Gwen’s voice was flustered, tired, but with just a hint of amusement.

            “Gwen, sorry to interrupt, but it seems Ianto was busy being introverted and bottling up his problems. We’re going to get busy rectifying the situation.”

            “Alright. Give my love to Ianto.”

            “Night Gwen.”

            “Night, Jack.”

            Jack flipped the phone shut and tossed it over his shoulder, ignoring where it landed. He then flipped Ianto onto the bed, taking a bit more care as to where he landed. He pointed a finger accusingly at the disgruntled man lying starkers on the bed before him. “You were worried about telling me that you loved me.”

            Ianto huffed, rolling his eyes. “Well, you were eavesdropping.”

            Jack grinned. All tenderness aside, he had missed this, too: the fighting, the arguing, the completely insubordinate nature that Ianto hid behind polite “sirs” and delicious coffee. 

            “Ianto. You said I can’t love you?”

            Ianto huffed again, glancing to the side. But beneath all the posturing, Jack could see that Ianto was terrified. “Well, you can’t.”

            It came out as no more than a whisper, but the words sent a jolt through Jack. He reached out and grabbed Ianto’s shoulder roughly. “Who are you to tell me that I can’t love you?”

            Ianto turned to face Jack, eyes blazing. “Well you can’t. You can’t, because I’m going to die, one day – die for real. For good. And you can’t love me, knowing that you’ll have to live on after that. Forever. You can’t love anyone, Jack.”

            Jack’s first instinct was to pull away, to leave, to find some rooftop to brood on. But this was Ianto, and he was going to make damn sure Ianto understood how he felt. “But I do, Ianto. I’ve told you, before.”

            But Ianto was already shaking his head. “I know, Jack. You love me. The same way you love Gwen, and Tosh, and Owen…”

            “No!”

            “Well then the same way you loved Alex. And John, and Michael, and Rob, and Julia, and the twins…”

            “No!”

            But Ianto kept going. It seemed that Jack had taken the lid off years of insecurities, and now Ianto had to get it all out. “It’s what you do, Jack. You love. You love everything and everybody, with all their horrible little idiosyncrasies and faults, and it makes you bloody Christ-like, with how much you love, but you know what it makes the rest of us, Jack?” Ianto rushed on, not giving Jack a moment to respond. “It makes us apostles. It makes us just…just another name, in the line of people Jack has loved. When you love everybody, to love one means nothing.”

            Jack grabbed Ianto’s face and held it between his hands. “I love you, Ianto Jones. I need you.  More than anybody I’ve ever met. I. Need. You.” He paused, giving the words a moment to sink in. “Do you understand that, Ianto Jones? I need you. I need you because I’m not perfect, I’m not Christ-like; I’m nothing even close. I was a terrible person, once upon a time. The Doctor started me going the right way. But you, Ianto.” Jack pulled Ianto into a hug – an awkward one, considering Jack was crouching on the floor and Ianto was sitting on the bed. “You’ve made me into a better man. You were the one who reformed Flat Holm; you were the one who showed me how to be compassionate, and strong, and do what nobody else would do, just because it was right.”

            Jack pulled back, still holding onto Ianto’s shoulders as he looked him the eye. “That day. That day we stood up to the 456: it was because of you.”

            Ianto avoided the eye contact, opting to stare down at some undefined point on his thigh instead. “Remind me of that, next time I’m looking to be noble.”

            “Do you know why I didn’t say it?”

            Ianto’s eyes flickered up to Jack, but he just shrugged. Jack knew Ianto would follow his abrupt change in topic – he always did.

            “It was goodbye. If I said it, it would be goodbye. And I couldn’t…” He swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. “I couldn’t let it be. I had to believe that somehow you’d be okay.” Ianto nodded, eyes returning to their downcast focus. Jack pressed in, kissing Ianto softly. Their lips were still touching when Jack mumbled, “Let me love you, Ianto Jones.”

            He pressed Ianto back onto the bed, crawling on top of him, and Ianto let him. That time, as they made love, Jack took Ianto, moving inside him in smooth, powerful movements. He tried to convey in action everything that Ianto refused to believe in words. And when they collapsed, each other’s names on their lips, Jack thought maybe Ianto believed him.

Continue on to Chapter 2 here.

Comments

[aige09.livejournal.com]

Respectfully requesting permission to kick Ianto's arse for being so damned self deprecating that he can't believe Jack loves him.
I really like this story, even if Jack is an arse to Alonso, who doesn't really deserve it.
It all fits nicely in with canon. I particularly like Jack's justification for sticking with Alonso.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

*hands Ianto over* Just have him back intact for me next Friday, will you? ~.^
But that's kind of how it always was in my head. Ianto thinks Jack can't *really* love him, b/c he'll have to lose him someday.
So glad you like it, and think it fits with canon (always an important goal of mine with this one). Thank you!

[aige09.livejournal.com]

That's how it is in my head too. Ianto thinks he's too ordinary/he'll die one day/Jack loves everybody. And I understand it, most of the time, but then Jack does things like bringing him back to life, and other gestures that show how much he cares, and Ianto sort of brushes him off. And just like when I feel for Ianto when Jack does something stupid, I feel for Jack when Ianto tells him he(Jack) can't love him because he can, he's just a bit out of practice. And even if he is from the 51st century, he's still a man, and expressing feelings is hard enough at the best of times.
*hands Ianto back* There you go. Not a scratch on him, promise.

[analia-the-1st.livejournal.com]

Awww... the end part made me get all wibbly. It also made me want to smack Ianto for being an arse and not believing that Jack actually loved him.

And I was going to have more to say but, um, yeah. Brain isn't really working atm (it kinda melted from the hotness). We'll try again next chapter.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Oh, and you think your brain won't be melting from hot next week? Ianto's *back*. And we've got Alonso hanging around, and John's got to make another appearance and get "dealt with".... ~.^

And thank you! I was going for wibbly, just a bit. Wibbly-hotness. ^.^

[analia-the-1st.livejournal.com]

If that's the case, I seriously hope you're not expecting any coherent replies from your readers. ;-)

[kiraclara.livejournal.com]

Damn it everything I ve been reading today has been making me cry. That was so (not the best word) beautiful because of Jack s admission to Ianto on how he s changed him. It s too late at night and my brain is not working. Need a tissue.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Awwww thank you! *passes box of kleenex*

[alt_universe_me.livejournal.com]

Yay! Ianto is finally back and ready for sexytimes! And I love when Ianto is all insecure and Jack reassures him. Excellent. Other items of win include Jack carrying Ianto to the bed and the use of the word "starkers." I love that word, it needs to be used more.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

I can't help it - I want my boys to have sexytimes, so they do. But not without ANGST and TALKS. Just a little. :P

Starkers is indeed an awesome word - I'm American and I think so!

[kausingkayn.livejournal.com]

Hott! ^_^
Ah - I love how Jack kept describing things as Ianto and how Jack didn't want to take his eyes off him. I also love how Ianto was trying to dismiss the fact that Jack didn't say "I love you" back, and how you made him explain it. And then Jack, of course, screwing up Ianto's logic by proving him wrong.
And you couldn't have timed this chapter any better - brilliant.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Awwww thank you!! Glad you got to read it before LIFE got in the way :P

[deathproof2010.livejournal.com]

HOT/ *sniffs*

This was so cruelly delicious!Love it!

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

Today was a good day to have a happy & hot Jack/Ianto reunion fic. So many sad stories on this sad anniversary...

[amuly.livejournal.com]

And of course, I totally timed it like that.
<<
>>
Shh!
Glad you liked it. There are more snuggles and happiness on the way for this fic.

[moonenamoured.livejournal.com]

Soooo, I started reading your work in March-ish had have yet to comment ('cause I'm a terrible person).
But now that I've remembered my lj password I have to tell you how awesome your are, and how ridiculously excited I was about this weeks' installment. Squees and jazz hands and everything. Your adherence to past canon and characterisation are spot on. Perfect mix of "wibbly-hotness". :D

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Awwww thanks for coming out of the woodwork! *hugs* Glad that this week's chapter seems like it lived up to your expectations ^.^

[moonenamoured.livejournal.com]

-and- have yet to. Proofreading be damned!

[chocolatenianto.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. Yeah Ianto is back. I love how Jack can't stop checking he is really there. I really wanted to smack Ianto for thinking Jack could never love him. But love how Jack puts him straight, you had me in tears. It was a emotional and damn hot reunion. May i say yeah Ianto lives again. can't wait for next friday.

[amuly.livejournal.com]

*passes tissues* Thank you!!! So glad it touched you *hugs*

[hab318princess.livejournal.com]

that felt spot on for Ianto (and glad he's with aige09 as I agree, he needs to understand his worth)

love it

[amuly.livejournal.com]

*tears up* You thought it felt true to character? Excuse me, I just need to...*finds tissues*
Thank you ^.^

[aoitsukikage.livejournal.com]

That totally had me tearing up ;.; And it's hard to do that, but aw, boys~

And while part of me just wants Ianto to get it already, I understand where he's coming from when he points out that Jack loves everybody, but he hasn't figured out what he personally means to Jack.

Okay, I'm done. I'm just happy he's back :)

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Awww thank you!
Yeah, one of my biggest problems with Jack originally was that he was just so damn emotional, loving *everything* - space whale, Gwen, Owen, Ianto, Doctor, &c - that I was like "Dude, how does Ianto even know he's any different from all that stuff?"

And don't worry: things are just getting better for the boys from here on out (with a few minor speed bumps along the way :P)

just catching up

[lawford.livejournal.com]

This was great. Love the infuriatingly insubordinate Ianto as apostle.

Re: just catching up

[amuly.livejournal.com]

Well, Ianto is certainly no blindly accepting follower. Like *some* (I'm looking at YOU, Alonso...).